I started this counselling session because of problems in my marriage. And I really thought that this wasn't what I needed. One thing that I did need and have needed and still would like very much is someone to talk with about the issues I have in my life. I do talk to my daughter, because she is really the only good listener that I have. She listens and first acknowledges what I am feeling then suggests what my husband may be feeling. I'm pretty good at knowing where he is coming from - but he can be pretty weird. She has had some very good suggestions that have helped in reducing our conflicts.
Anyway, if you need someone to talk with in a productive but specific way. Please write me personally and we can exchange email addresses. I don't want a complaint session - but sometimes it would be nice to have mental hugs followed by suggestions of where I could have changed my actions.
And I'm pretty good at that kind of suggestion. I've had several people whom I have helped to change their reactions. It's not like that magically fixed things - but it did stop the escalation. A lot of times the problems habitually snowball. If you can find ways to stop the snowballing, they become more bearable. We are using safe words. Once a safe word is used - we go into different rooms and don't talk for several breaths minimum. And when we start back up, it is with a calmer tone of voice.
These lessons do help: Our thoughts very much affect our lives. When someone asks a touchy question, if we are in a good mood, we will probably just answer it and everything will be fine. If we have been dwelling on bad thoughts - uh oh!
There is a devil and he does want discord - particularly in our families.
Your family does love you. Your husband married you for a reason and you married him for a reason. Probably that reason was love and probably it is still in there. Children always love their parents. Even abused children love their parents - even when the parents have done nothing to deserve it. It may not look like it for years at a time. But sometimes when we are thinking angry thoughts, we miss the signs that are there.
Nobody expects you to be perfect. (Well, maybe your husband and children do
) But that is an unrealistic expectation. The lessons talk about the fact that we aren't perfect and that is exactly the way God designed us. We need to lean on Him.
I just had a stupid rip-roaring fight with my husband. He had left a trap (piles of junk) in my way in the garage twice in a little over a week and I scolded him for it. And he let loose like I had come after him with a knife. I didn't say anything "wrong" but I used a scolding tone of voice and he went berserkers. And so I yelled at him.
I am telling you this so you don't think that I am giving you mindless platitudes. I am having a huge struggle in my marriage right now. And there isn't any infidelity or physical abuse or financial extravagance involved.
Let me know if you want to talk off-line.
Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:39 pm