hooray day 4
Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:23 pmI am still hanging in. I have not jumped ahead of the program or anything. Self forgiveness, how hard is that. to think I never thought long on the topic.
I have done some down right evil things. Mainly with my harsh words. when i think about it, it hurts. I seem to have this strong hold of anger and bitterness since my sexual abuse at 14, by someone I liked. After that I was teased and humiliated by really mean kids when they found out about it. The person who abused me made me look like a whore. I was very innocent and untouched. That changed my life forever. I was too scared to tell my parents becaused my dad was so tough and my mom never even talked to me about my period, sex or anything. My husband definitely ended up with damaged goods. All of my hurt and pain he had to endure for many years. Now that I am trying to change, he has turned his back on me. He treats me like I am the enemy and he talks to me with great anger and hatred in his voice. He stated once during an argument that he does not want to forgive me. He was never the romantic type, a good communicator, good with finances or a proactive dad but he did put up with my harsh tongue. Who knows who he could have been today or even my kids if I was the wife and mother I should have been. I haven't said many harsh words to my kids, but they watched us go at it for years. I was definitely hurting and hungry for a savior. my husband could not help me and I did not know god. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. Forgiving myself will definitely take some time.
I have done some down right evil things. Mainly with my harsh words. when i think about it, it hurts. I seem to have this strong hold of anger and bitterness since my sexual abuse at 14, by someone I liked. After that I was teased and humiliated by really mean kids when they found out about it. The person who abused me made me look like a whore. I was very innocent and untouched. That changed my life forever. I was too scared to tell my parents becaused my dad was so tough and my mom never even talked to me about my period, sex or anything. My husband definitely ended up with damaged goods. All of my hurt and pain he had to endure for many years. Now that I am trying to change, he has turned his back on me. He treats me like I am the enemy and he talks to me with great anger and hatred in his voice. He stated once during an argument that he does not want to forgive me. He was never the romantic type, a good communicator, good with finances or a proactive dad but he did put up with my harsh tongue. Who knows who he could have been today or even my kids if I was the wife and mother I should have been. I haven't said many harsh words to my kids, but they watched us go at it for years. I was definitely hurting and hungry for a savior. my husband could not help me and I did not know god. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. Forgiving myself will definitely take some time.
I feel your pain sis.
