Stone #7 Know Your Mind
Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 7:50 pm
This note pertains to #6 - I wrote up my Growth Chart, but I know I am set up to fail. But that's ok because I now know I can adjust things. The weird thing is that today would have been the 1st day that I start it. It seems like once I have written down some things for the Body - like one cup of coffee (I have to up it to two), skipping either breakfast or lunch, not finishing others' sentences, etc. - Wow! Just like the law, guess what I have been doing? Right-O. Exactly what I don't want to do. Doggone it. The law does make sin come alive. I feel like I have been so bad today.
Now for Stone #7, I need to grab hold of this one. It seems like it is basically like weeding and feeding, but you have to think about which portal (sense) of entry the sin came through. I'm a little confused about that. Today maybe because I have been feeling less negative and more "confident" about myself - I went into cocky or haughty mode (which I have done in the past). So you see, when I think I get a handle on things, I start feeling my "oats" (whatever that means).
I had thoughts about sister. I love her dearly, but she is one that is a leader; opposite of me. She likes people, likes to travel and is fun to be around. She has two daughters and one in particular is her best bud. We don't do things together much. I work using my phone so I tie up the line. Her husband called and left a message but I couldn't call just then. Then she sent me an email telling me her husband tried to call. Anyway, I don't know what triggered it, but I felt irritated, annoyed and felt that arrogance that I get sometimes.
So all in all, I failed at some of the things on my Growth Chart - pigged out. Then I feel haughty (without patience) and like my sister calling me was annoying (she was only asking if we wanted to go to an Amish Market on Friday) and then while I was typing I use a Voice Recognition program, and I threw a hissy fit because it was not recognizing my words. Let's just say my attitude was not of patience and was very ugly and if truth be told, an over-the-top scream fit.
I'm thinking how did all this happen today? It definitely started with an attitude of impatience this morning and mounted as the day progressed. I don't know if any of this makes sense.
I'm trying to work this out in my mind. However, I did not come to the Lord and seek His guidance and ask for forgiveness. It's as if I gave myself permission to have a temper tantrum which ultimately was against the Lord. Not good. Why can't I be balanced? I have come so far with weeding, forgiving others and forgiving myself. I felt a little headway, but then I take liberty as if to say I can handle this from here, God. Thank you, very much. I know I need to nip this in the bud right now.
Prayer: Father, help me to understand where this spirit of rebellion is coming from. It smacks in the face of everything You are teaching me and the grace You are showing me. Yes, satan, I'm sure is the author but I allowed the sin to go on. Why did I do that? Patience You say builds character; well, my character stinks. So maybe You are just revealing to me what is in my heart. I have to ask, do I only want to become more confident in ME or do I really what Your Spirit controlling me? I do want Your Holy Spirit controlling me.
I'd appreciate any input on this ridiculous day!
Now for Stone #7, I need to grab hold of this one. It seems like it is basically like weeding and feeding, but you have to think about which portal (sense) of entry the sin came through. I'm a little confused about that. Today maybe because I have been feeling less negative and more "confident" about myself - I went into cocky or haughty mode (which I have done in the past). So you see, when I think I get a handle on things, I start feeling my "oats" (whatever that means).
I had thoughts about sister. I love her dearly, but she is one that is a leader; opposite of me. She likes people, likes to travel and is fun to be around. She has two daughters and one in particular is her best bud. We don't do things together much. I work using my phone so I tie up the line. Her husband called and left a message but I couldn't call just then. Then she sent me an email telling me her husband tried to call. Anyway, I don't know what triggered it, but I felt irritated, annoyed and felt that arrogance that I get sometimes.
So all in all, I failed at some of the things on my Growth Chart - pigged out. Then I feel haughty (without patience) and like my sister calling me was annoying (she was only asking if we wanted to go to an Amish Market on Friday) and then while I was typing I use a Voice Recognition program, and I threw a hissy fit because it was not recognizing my words. Let's just say my attitude was not of patience and was very ugly and if truth be told, an over-the-top scream fit.
I'm thinking how did all this happen today? It definitely started with an attitude of impatience this morning and mounted as the day progressed. I don't know if any of this makes sense.
I'm trying to work this out in my mind. However, I did not come to the Lord and seek His guidance and ask for forgiveness. It's as if I gave myself permission to have a temper tantrum which ultimately was against the Lord. Not good. Why can't I be balanced? I have come so far with weeding, forgiving others and forgiving myself. I felt a little headway, but then I take liberty as if to say I can handle this from here, God. Thank you, very much. I know I need to nip this in the bud right now.
Prayer: Father, help me to understand where this spirit of rebellion is coming from. It smacks in the face of everything You are teaching me and the grace You are showing me. Yes, satan, I'm sure is the author but I allowed the sin to go on. Why did I do that? Patience You say builds character; well, my character stinks. So maybe You are just revealing to me what is in my heart. I have to ask, do I only want to become more confident in ME or do I really what Your Spirit controlling me? I do want Your Holy Spirit controlling me.
I'd appreciate any input on this ridiculous day!