Journal: Struggle with homosexuality (Round 2)
Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:54 pm
Welp, I'm back. I have started messing up again, and I never made it on to step 2 or beyond, so figured I might as well just start from scratch.
I tricked myself / allowed myself to be tricked into looking at porn again. Not the same way I did before, but through other routes. Maybe something legitimate I searched had something bad mixed in, or maybe I searched for something on purpose that was "watered down" version of porn; regardless, I don't want it to happen again.
Frankly, I'm feeling a little tense about it this time. The first time I thought I was getting in under control. And now I realize it takes almost nothing to set it off again. I have to remember that story I quoted in my first Journal, it's one thing to acknowledge someone is good-looking, but it's another to fantasize about that person.
I would really like to hear from someone who is going through this. If anyone is out there, please don't be afraid to private message me. I think this is one of those cases where God said we need each other as much as we need Him to get through the problem.
I tricked myself / allowed myself to be tricked into looking at porn again. Not the same way I did before, but through other routes. Maybe something legitimate I searched had something bad mixed in, or maybe I searched for something on purpose that was "watered down" version of porn; regardless, I don't want it to happen again.
Frankly, I'm feeling a little tense about it this time. The first time I thought I was getting in under control. And now I realize it takes almost nothing to set it off again. I have to remember that story I quoted in my first Journal, it's one thing to acknowledge someone is good-looking, but it's another to fantasize about that person.
I would really like to hear from someone who is going through this. If anyone is out there, please don't be afraid to private message me. I think this is one of those cases where God said we need each other as much as we need Him to get through the problem.