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#4 will be a long process, but I appreciate the advice that we can take it slowly and as things come in our mind, we can deal with them then. I started thinking back in my life and I can now see how twisted my thoughts have been because of my insecurity. I see that I have had feelings of envy and jealousness of others who have had popularity. As I am thinking on this, I see that those seeds have been planted by satan, because they are the exact same feelings that he had towards God. He wanted God's glory and was jealous that all of the heavenly hosts bowed down and adored Him. All of these years, that is what I have been doing. I have been desiring others' glory! I am ashamed. These feeling come from a deep void within me needing/desiring validation from others. I am trying and I think am able to let it go. To release them of any perceived wrongs they have done to me and even pray for them and be happy for their joy to shine. I am asking God to fill all the emptiness that these roots I am pulling has caused.

I also have been thinking back to when my son was small. It seemed that I was always in competition with other people's children (including and especially my sister) in my mind. If they had a glory or were complimented, then I took it as a slight towards my son. My insecurities spilled over onto every relationship in mine and then his life.

This is why I say, it will take a while to get through Stone #4. But I am so happy to be here. Because now I can see the lies. And I am especially thankful that I can understand more fully how much Jesus forgives me. Not in degrees, like we do, but in full - without holding a grudge - as far as the east is from the west. Wow! Thank you to everyone and especially to my Savior!

Hey dabs

I am glad to see you "sticking it out" , for it is by perseverance that we move forward .

Yes indeed it will take some time for all these "seeming" grudges to clear out , for God only knows how many of those we have "stashed - just in case" , in fact , speaking of myself , I had become so good of hiding stuff , that I out-did myself finding them ! .. Here's the smacker - if and when I found them - which is usually while looking for something totally irrelevant to what i'm looking for my reaction almost always was , "Now why in the world would I be hiding this for ? I have absolutely no use for it ! " .
Hence is this process , and why it takes time . first we look for one thing , then we find another , but if we stick to the principle of why we are looking to begin with , we neglect to put anything irrelevant in the trash , instead we put it back where we found it (just in case) .

My sponsor said to me once , on the subject of holding grudges " 80% of what's going on in your head is none of your business , and out of the remainder 20 , 15 of , there is absolutely nothing you can do about , so you only got 5% to deal with that can do , stick to that , do your part and let God do His!"



In Christ , our Lord

Hi Dab's
it will be a long process your not a lone i it God is with you and so are we
i,am working on that unforgivenss and forgiving my self to.it helps me to know iam not alone that christ is with me we have a hope and a future in
Christ Jesus. your doing good.
God bless Ciny

Dabs, I'm so happy for you...to see that you are making it to and through each step and growing and learning...and now you see that you don't need others to validate who you are...as Jesus has already validated you...through His death and resurrection! He loves you!

Keep walking the walk sis.

luv ya