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Yesterday I did have a breakthrough of victory from the Lord Jesus after many days of assault. I was feeling really good. Able to give Jesus praise. Felt God's love for me. Felt he came through by the power of his Word over the enemy. I was doing okay all today. But I have a concern that I'm afraid is going to trigger my whole nightmare mess of being a "misfit." I went to a painting class with my sister-in-law. It was only her and I and the teacher. It was for painting animals. I took a picture of my cat. The thing is I have been having an issue with my memory and also my mind. I feel like when for instance the teacher (or others but in this case the teacher) was speaking I feel like my brain is not interpreting what she is saying. She ended up drawing the majority of the picture for me. Then she was pointing out which colors to use, and I couldn't grasp or see the colors she was talking about. The truth is I'm afraid I could be in the beginning of some type of dementia. I mentioned my concern to my doctor. I guess my question is: how do I handle it if I have dementia? I feel like such a nincompoop. It is so embarrassing and humiliating when you can't comprehend what someone is saying to you. What I'm afraid will happen is if people laugh at me and treat me like a fool, then I will fall back to where I was. Feeling insecure and "less than" and hating myself. Can you help me think this through? I know God won't love me any less. But how does one relate to people and not feel somehow less valued.

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

I am NOT a doctor; however, I want to point something out to you in regards to what you believe to be "memory loss." While you may be experiencing moments of memory loss every now and again, it appears you are able to recall situation in much detail, later on -- for example, when you are sharing about those situations, here.

Also, failure to comprehend what someone is saying, can be caused by many different factors. Perhaps you are just stressing yourself out -- believing you are not going to understand, so then you don't. Perhaps the teacher's way of teaching and the way you learn are at odds?

Remember, art is a form of personal expression. Your expression should be just that...yours. Go with it, and don't get too hung up on formalities. Enjoy the class. It is not a competition, so don't put so much pressure on yourself.

The first part of Proverbs 23:7 says this...For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:...

Dabs, if you believe in your heart that you are not going to understand something, there is a good chance you are not going to. Also, if you don't understand something someone is saying -- Truly, it is that big of a deal to admit? Just ask again, or ask them to explain it in a different way.

Oh, and one more thing lighten up a little on yourself. It's okay to laugh at yourself -- in fact, it's healthy. We are not perfect, none of us, except Christ Jesus. If you laugh at yourself, others just may laugh along with you. Notice the word "with" as compared to "at". Not only will you feel better, but you may just help someone else by inspiring them to laugh too. Laughter releases endorphins into our system, and that's a good thing.

Dabs, are you continuing on with the Study and the steps?

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf.
God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Dabs.
Love,
Mack

Dabs, are you continuing on with the Study and the steps?

Yes. I have to read and re-read until I get it. I am working on working on Stone #4 Forgive yourself/Forgive others completely. This one scares me. I didn't realize I had so much stuff, I don't forgive. For example a few years I passed a girl I recognized from Catholic school in fourth grade. I could tell she recognized me by the spark, but I ignored her. Do you know why? Because I had a friend, Kathleen, and this girl (in my mind) stole her away from me. Bam! That was over 44 years ago! This study made me see how unforgiving I am. What's worse is that in every area of my thoughts, I have to forgive others completely, not just in my mind. But as Jesus dealt with my sins. Where there is no interruption with relationship. Oh, my word! I had not thought of it in that way before. I am so humbled and so sorry, yet afraid to look at my stuff. This stone will take a long time, I know. I have allowed offences to accumulate. Perhaps that is why I have such a difficult time with relationships (I could a had a V8!). I also do have to forgive myself. When I look at it from Jesus' perspective, from the story about how the rich man forgave a man of his large debt, but the same man who wouldn't forgive another of a tiny debt, then I can see how much Jesus forgave me. How can I do anything less? But I have to mull this over.

The other thing about dementia, it is a very real concern. But thanks for your perspective. I hope it's nothing.

dabs luv ya sis

aww dabs... you don't have to do it all at once. God will bring things to your mind as you can handle them. Then when it comes, you ask for forgiveness or forgive as the situations warrants. Little by little until it becomes clearer.
Like the study says, you can't grab a whole bunch of weeds and pull them out all at once or you will leave the roots....one by one. Not as overwhelming then.

dabs
Step by step sis....baby steps. GIve the worry and fear over to the one who can handle it so much more than we can.
keep pressing in you can do this...I believe in you~

Dabs Don't give up. May He reveal to you why you are having these struggles.

If it makes you feel any better I was about the same situation Monday night. I nearly cried. When I got home I did cry cause I felt like such a failure. I think I allow myself to stress over things so much that I suffocate my brain cells then I can't think past go. Perhaps that's all that is going on with you too dabs. It's still not fun, but the answer is to bring Him into everything so you're not doing it on your own. He's willing. You are to aren't ya.

Love ya.