Day 5 - Dabs - Struggle
Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:51 pm
I'm still writing my journal even though I am only on stone 4. I haven't gotten what I need to get into my spirit yet. I went to my Bible study class tonight, but I was struggling with social fear. With that came anxiety and an inability to be myself. I also struggle with physically being close to people. That fear reaction causes sweating all over. I'm so busy thinking about the nearness of people and my response to that fear of sweating that my mind gets wired on PANIC mode. Needless to say, I heard very little of the study and found it extremely difficult to pray. I did speak to the Bible study leader a little before I left, and I did reveal to her my fear and of even being close to be people and holding hands. I'm struggling right now because I am seeing the results of years of unkempt weeds. They are overwhelming me right now. I want to pull the weeds, but they seem so thick I'm not sure where to begin. But I found this verse when I opened my Bible so I'll start with it:
Micah 7:7-8 But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. DO NOT REJOICE OVER ME, O MY ENEMY. Though I fall, I WILL RISE. Though I dwell in darkness, The LORD is a ligt for me.
I shall know the truth and the truth shall make me free. I know that satan is a lier and master deceiver. I confess that this fear and self-consciousness is a manipulation of the devil to keep me from doing what God has planned for my life. I ask you, here at COOL, to stand with me. Where two or more are gathered in Jesus' name, there He is in the midst. I speak to you satan, "Take these thoughts that you have embedded into my conscious and unconscious mind and be cast out into utter darkness where you belong, because there is no light in you. But before you leave, I command that you bow your knee to the authority of the Lord, Jesus Christ, in whose authority I cast you out. Be gone. Now!" Jesus, fill the void in my mind, emotions and spirit with Truth; with You. Thank you for revealing truth to me. Let me not fall back into the patterns of thinking of my past. You have commanded me to be strong and of good courage and that you will never leave me nor forsake me. The battle is not mine; but belongs to You. And You are already my Victor, my King, my Savior, my Redeemer. I receive victory over the enemy. I declare it done. In Jesus' name. Be glorified. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Father. Thank You, precious Holy Spirit.
Micah 7:7-8 But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. DO NOT REJOICE OVER ME, O MY ENEMY. Though I fall, I WILL RISE. Though I dwell in darkness, The LORD is a ligt for me.
I shall know the truth and the truth shall make me free. I know that satan is a lier and master deceiver. I confess that this fear and self-consciousness is a manipulation of the devil to keep me from doing what God has planned for my life. I ask you, here at COOL, to stand with me. Where two or more are gathered in Jesus' name, there He is in the midst. I speak to you satan, "Take these thoughts that you have embedded into my conscious and unconscious mind and be cast out into utter darkness where you belong, because there is no light in you. But before you leave, I command that you bow your knee to the authority of the Lord, Jesus Christ, in whose authority I cast you out. Be gone. Now!" Jesus, fill the void in my mind, emotions and spirit with Truth; with You. Thank you for revealing truth to me. Let me not fall back into the patterns of thinking of my past. You have commanded me to be strong and of good courage and that you will never leave me nor forsake me. The battle is not mine; but belongs to You. And You are already my Victor, my King, my Savior, my Redeemer. I receive victory over the enemy. I declare it done. In Jesus' name. Be glorified. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Father. Thank You, precious Holy Spirit.