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Today the transcription work that I normally do has been really slow. I believe the hospital is outsourcing much more work than before. It worries me. So I am sitting here at 10:57 p.m. 10/7/10 typing my journal because I just stopped working. It seems I have been able to get work if I type late into the night. I went up to my sister-in-law's for a little bit today. I just didn't feel quite myself. I felt a little anxious. I was glad to leave there after a few hours and before work traffic hit too hard. When I am out of my routine of working, I feel out of sorts. Plus, I emailed my friend again from the Bible study the other night to tell her how God was working in both our lives, BUT I believe I said too much. I told her about the the onslaught of thoughts I had from satan the other day. You know, the part about the vision of me being in a group of women and feeling like a deer caught in the headlights where I say something incoherent and everyone looks at me strange and runs the other way. This part I think I should have kept to myself, my journal, and COOL readers only. I think it was too much information. Now, I feel really nerdy. I haven't gotten a reply back and may not. I just feel real creepy. Some things are best left unsaid, or at least in less detail. While I have been typing I've had stray thoughts run through my mind but more a sense of falling back into the patterns of beating myself up emotionally. I'm thinking back to somewhere in one of the stepping stones where it talks about when you have these weeds, you're not you're real self and God wants the real us to work through us. I feel a little discouraged right now, but I am going to reread my stones before I go to bed. I really need a hug from Jesus.

Social life is difficult for everyone dabs. At least I think it is.

We all are created unique. With our own quirks, likes, dislikes, functions and dysfunctions.

The point is, we are His.

Just as we are. I find myself often turning to Him and asking how do you feel about me. I feel Him smile and accept me just as is. Even if I disappointed others or they misunderstood, I know He knows my heart and loves me as is.

He feels the same for you dabs. You're accepted by Him in such a great quantity that no one can surpass it. Wow! Rather amazing. He is good like that.

So when those erm..uh...geesh...blush...why did I say that's....come up just go to Him and see you are loved, accepted, and you belong.

God bless and keep you. Just be you. There's no better person for you to be.