Day 5 - The Path
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:07 pm
Intense study for me today.....Talking about identifying the problem and many of the possibilities mentioned are part of my daily life. Things that are deeply imbedded in my life. Fear, Anger, Resentment, Grief, Guilt, Depression, Suicidal, Lust, Sexual sins, etc. are all present and rampant in my life. The battles are continuous and ugly. And the defeats far outnumber the victories. Bad choices based on faulty information in my brain combined with just plain old rebellion. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to be free....am I so comfy in my captivity that I fear being free? I say I am not motivated to do anything but is it just that I am more motivated to stay where I am rather than motivated to change due to fear of change? Questions that fill my mind causing confusion......I want to escape......facing these problems appears overwhelming and impossible. I fear moving forward but I can't go back.......I sit here....confused....feeling alone but knowing that I can't trust my feelings......not knowing what to trust.....who to believe or what to do next. But I have resolved to stay here....to try to work through this....to try to move forward......not to die but to live.......