I must be crazy!
Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 8:51 pm
I sit here.......just came out of one of the chat rooms....my mind.......just can't wrap around forgiveness.....thought I understood it....had accepted it..but now.....my mind wanders to places it need not go.....addictive places that I know get me into trouble. I look at images on the internet that my eyes should not see...think thoughts that I should not think.....have fantasies that bring only guilt and shame. I am here....on a christain site.....and still the darkness slips in and tries to take hold. Where can I go to escape these thoughts? I don't understand. Who is in control of my mind? my life? Why am I here?Why is this constant battle raging in my mind? Is there not an end? A winner? A loser? Death? something? Confusion.....not a state I like to be in......but where I find myself now.....it is dark....the battle rages....and I am tired.