My 3rd step.New to this site and am finding my way around:-)
Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:46 pmFirst off,I want to share that I thank God so much for this site as far as I can see.My 1st day actively on the site I accidentally blogged in a chat area.Needless to say,it was an interesting experience.I had/have been going through a whole lot at seemingly a constant,intense level since last year when I lost my job,then my home and had to bounce around for a bit there and did not always end up in great situations just trying to have a roof over my head.I'm not one of those people that have ever had an "easy life" per se.Not at all in fact since shortly after my birth I heard and recall as I grew older.But I didnt start this blog to the public for pity.I am doing this as a means to ease my mind the best I can after a longggggggg hard life and alot of days.Somewhere to put my trials and tribulations and just general thoughts about anything and everything so as to try to keep my head "clutter-free".I know it's still going to be hard because I'm A.D.H.D. most definitely.I'm 39 now,got diagnosed with it in 1995 but I'm quite sure I was my whole life.only difference is,back in my generations growing up days,they didnt stick labels on everything.You were either hyper or you werent and if you were too hyper,you probably had an overactive mind which lead you to trouble and well,you got in trouble and your butt spanked good or grounded.chances are you went out and did it again and not because you enjoyed punishement or were demented,it just was what it was and now i understand some of that.it is an actual conditon BUT..I personally feel deep down the whole backdrop to ADHD is spiritual warfare wreacking havoc on the human mind.But whatever it is,it makes life 10 times harder.Alot of times I feel like a lost little kid inside.Other times I feel as if I'm 80 years old already both physically and mentally.I am ever grateful that AFTER having lost my old job and subsequently my home I had saved up and worked so hard for on my own and ended up staying at this persons house for a week,that persons for a week,and out of desperatation very temporarily(3 weeks) fell into a totally complete nightmare situation with a guy in that immediate area and just decided to finally give up on the thought i could ever rebuild myself back up in that area to live by my kids with the situation i was in at the time and just listened to my brother finally when he told me,"you can come and stay here until you can get on your feet,find a job or whatever it is you're wanting to do."When I first got here,february 13th ,2010 for awhile it was not peachy for either of us here.I was still in major shock over my losses and was not adjusting at all in a way that could save anyone's personal sanity, including my own it seemed.My brother had lived alone for 12 years and although he meant well when he said I could stay,Im not sure he realized he would have to share his "comfort zone" and was not so nice to me alot of times which made me feel even worse and lost than I already did.But I hung in there.And prayed.And walked in the snow daily here applying for jobs and getting no replies@ a very small,no one really comes,no one goes type town and any work that is here has already been established by the locals.I would pray daily,sometimes all day.Other people would pray for me.It didnt seem like anything would come in time.My brother was taking care of everything and trying to help me also with just very basic needs because I had no income at all.Just when he was starting to worry about how much longer he could afford to have me here I think,yet realizing I didnt have anywherelse to go,and I ran out of places to apply,I sat and wondered what could I do.I had did everything in my human power to find a starting point to starting a whole new life in a whole new area.Then McDonalds called.After an interview,waiting and worrying,I got the job.Since Ive been there,it has its tough days and good days.A whole lot thats going on even there too I am positive is a spirtitual battle.it seems like every few days some employee will give me the hardest way to go about doing my job right and I mean that literally.There is 1 there that for 3 days now has done nothing but treat me horrible,push his work off on me,and ridicule me.myself and the main manager have a pretty good emplyee/manager relationship and I told her the other day what he had been doing and she said to not worry about him in so many words.Today,I spoke with her again and told her,he could drive someoem to a heart attack and that I was entirely tired of this guy,Jon,actually telling me to do the job incorrectly knowing I would get in trouble not him and tiring me out fully by just walking off the job and coming back to the area when he feels like it,me and her agreed that IF there is another time of his emotionally abusing by flat out not caring about his job to the point he seemingly is trying to make others lose there or just oblivious to the fact he doesnt own the world and no one needs to put up with his mouth a day longer and that my God can and will handle him..here's the hard part..provided I stay out of the way and Let Go and Let God handle it.Not like I did I think though@got so upset its making me physically sick and getting cocky back with him when he did.Im only human though.God knows I need my job and I dont deserve that treatment from anyone.No one does.Im glad God forgives because I cussed too and that's not cool.Im not a swearing type by nature and have total faith that,like I said,God can and fully will handle anyone that gets in the path of His children when they're really trying to do what's right the best they can.There used to be another guy there when I first started and me and him got along very well until one day just out of the blue he started getting very rude talking to me.I didnt have work the next 2 days but when i came back on the 3rd day,I overheard the crew talking about how he did a no show,then another one until it was check time.I dont know if the Lord had anything to do with that but I dont rule it out either.As I said and I will always believe,those who mess with the children of God and those who aim and desire to be,have a harder road ahead than we Christians do.I just would like to have what every Christian and other poeple probably want as well but dont take a permanant road to egt and keep it like I used to not do.For myself,Having a home,a life partner,food to eat even if its just enough to survive on and feel and be safe is what I'm hoping and praying the Lord is working with me on and showing me how to be stronger in Him to not only obtain these things..some again...just make me feel secure in this lifetime thjat things are going to be ok no matter what.even when they dont feel that way or I feel like my health might take a dip or maybe lose my mind from all the stress.God is there.he is never too far.oh,And I conciously talked to the Holy Spirit when I was at work today.Im just learning about that.That was when that guy was really attacking me verbally.I just asked for strength to respond right and i started singing Christian songs.Sometimes thats all we can do or me.Anything that works and is in and through Christ Jesus.Have a good evening everyone.I have to do a few things online before I go to bed.(I have work early tomorrow)p.s. I love music and saw the video free to Be Me today for the 1st time and it was awesome!I wish I wouldve had the opportunites when I was younger to become a singer.it feels so good to just let your emotions come out like that when their good.Purifies the soul and just a good feeling.God Bless everyone,Jami
So very happy for you sis. We all have good days and bad days...but if we decide to try and have as many good ones as possible..then the bad days will be fewer and fewer. 