Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I don't know what or why it is that everytime I type "starting point" I seem to always go backwards , isn't the start of something supposed to move us forward ? I was thinking , "maybe if I were type 'Finish point' instead , maybe this time I'd get it right ". Hmmm .

I don't know , in everything I do (well, most) I ask for guidance from Spirit first and then go at it as if everything from that point would be Spirit led , so when somebody says jump , I don't ask "how high" I just do it , then wait for results rather than think about what the result would be if I jumped .

Sooooo , Hello

Once again , only this time going backwards (remember ? 'finish point' ? '
yep ok .
1) Leaving (again) . or at least entertaining the thought of .
Why ? Too exhausted , can't fight no more , not that ever wanted to , but ... It seems that somewhere along this journey I took the wrong exit and failed to read "combat zone , >>> this way " sign . Hey , just because I'm a fighter , it doesn't mean I enjoy it ok ? I would much rather , sketch and produce art , oh , by the way , hmm , can't sketch agaain ! "Oh , that's nice , look at the 'bright side' , you fight better than you sketch any way ! "

2) What had been opened before is slammed shut again , only this time my finger is stuck in the gate and I cant find the key . Numb , no feelings , they hurt too much and they're useless any way .

3) I always used to (notice ? used to ? hmm) rib my sponsees with " If you spend more than hour with your counselor , you really need counseling bud " . Well , somebody may have put some glue in my chair at my counselor's office (oh , you seeing a counselor now vahn ? ... and try to do your job as one ? ) for I ended up spending three hrs with her , oh "spent most of the time ungluing myself from the chair , nothing major " .

4) Just down right tired of hearing "Running" "Covering up" "Get with the truth" well the truth is , this boy did not come here for all that , this boy came here seeking the truth , this boy didn't come here to fight , this boy was tired of fighting before he got here . THIS BOY USED TO BE A MAN .

I started here when I first got here , it would've been a diff story if I had stayed here , the truth is I'm back here . The entrance door is only an entrance from one side .

It is good to see you hear Vahn. I am certain you will find things in the study that you never saw before.




Have been sending up prayers for you and I will continue as you walk this path.

Hello Vahn,

One of the first things The Holy Spirit told me when I finally committed to walking with Him daily was this: "Don't just glance over familiar scriptures with an attitude of 'oh, I've read this one before' because when you do, I can't teach you anything new and you will miss out on My revelations."

It's a new day, Vahn, commit each day to Him and He will renew you by His Word and His revelations will come.

Your posts are full of two-way conversations with yourself. It's sorta like watching someone shadow boxing. Stop presupposing what The Lord is going to say, or what others are going to say. There are no "Duh" moments with The Lord, only divine revelations. Duh means "I should of known that" which in my opinion is diss'in the Lord. Saying "Thank You Lord" and really meaning it, takes us to a whole other state of mind and heart, a humble state -- and that's a blessed state to be in.

Vahn, you continue in my prayers. God loves you. God's blessed will be done.

Love,
Mack

Except for a short stretch of time , because of circumstances out of my control - personal tragedy(s) and absolute devastation - that kept me away from this site , or any other for that matter , there was not a day , yes not one , that , right after my morning prayer and meditation I would not come here first to start my day off with . Except that is , today .

For one reason or another my computer was left on , even though I have it set to 'shut down' after a period of inactivity , and the first thing in front of me was a letter from Rose , my Therapist/counselor , my immediate reaction was to give my computer a flying lesson , but I chose to go back on my knees again saying things like "Enough's enough Lord , no more , of all ppl , You should know I cant handle this any more , why dont You just let me be ! "
See , I wasn't even planning on coming here today , due to the fact that as I was typing last night I was shaking (more like tremors) from the inside out I had to leave my desk never to come back again , but I kept coming back to it thinking "you must be glutton for punishment vahn" and I'm still typing , for one reason and one reason only , someone here whom I considered a ... well let me put it this way I dont even know what the word friend means anymore , so let's leave it that for now , but this person said something that at the time I didn't realize it would change my whole attitude upon life itself , they said "Whatever you do vahn , don't let the Enemy win" (I wish sometimes they would heed their own advice).

Coming back to Rose , now Rose , as the person mentioned above knows , was totaly against the idea of my interaction with this website , in fact she went out of her way to see to it that I dont get any access to it (I found out later) , two days ago I spent nearly the whole afternoon in her office in an attempt to get "shrunk" (Gary, my sponsor is not with us any more) so . I'm sponsorless , mentorless and "friendless" , left with only One I can turn to and He sends me a letter from Rose ! of all people !

I opened the mail - see attachment - open attachment it says "What happened to your avatar ? " I'm going which ? what ? why would you care ? , stormed out I grabbed my cell , text msge says , "knew you would do this , but please look again" from Rose ! I said "that's it" and I called her saying "I dont care what time it is , you just simply have to stop playing those games , and if I have to take legal action to stop you I will ok ? " her response was a as stern as it gets " scroll down and look , and thank you" click .
It's the "Letting go" poster I did which I used for my avatar here at the Oasis , and outside of here no one else had seen it for no other reason than my heart belongs nowhere else , but , that's a diff story now . At the bottom of it it says "Thank you" .
I called Rose back , no answer ,(of course) the long and short of it is that Rose is here , under what user name I don't know and it doesn't make a difference , and Rose ? , if you happen to be reading this , please allow me to return the "Thank you" for it is the reason I'm still here and still typing today , where do I go from here ? I dont know still , and as far as putting my avatar back is concerned , no , I wont , too painful even for this "fighter" , too many arrows , safer to keep shut ! Welcome aboard anyway , these people will see you through , trust me , just don't do as I did !

Luv
vahn

my brother...

Isnt God just awesome? No matter what people's intentions are, no matter what the enemy tries to harm you with , God can take those things and use them for His purpose.

You know what ive realized? People can do what a heck they want. They really can and they do... But I have the choice in letting what they do affect my life. I refuse to let anyone else's actions keep me from the life God intends me to live. Cuz i did that for many many years. No More.

Dont get too caught up in wondering where u are gonna go next or getting fearful about it ... cuz brother, if u stay in the Lord, no matter what twists, turns, mountains, storms, no matter what is to be found on the course of your journey, you already know where your final destination will be.

And that is eternal life with Christ.

Me luvs ya

Isaiah 41:9-13