Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I'm so tired of this back and forth game. I get so on fire for God, get such a high. I'm so joyful and studying and telling people how good God is. Then I go right back to this 'place'. This 'place' of wanting to live in the world. This 'place' of giving in to temptation, this 'place' that is so dark. I feel myself slipping, I've already messed up. I don't want to slip any further but I probly will. The world can seem so enticing and fun and easy and good sometimes. The enemy is good at what he does huh? Cuz it's all he does.
I don't like being in this 'place', but I always come back. It's like...a restaurant or something you've been to a few times. The food wasn't good and it made you sick...but the people seemed so great, so you keep going back. Even though you know it's bad for you and it only hurts you. Why do I keep doing this?? I'm so tired of it...so tired of being so stupid. On my myspace, my title is 'Need to try harder'. That's for a few things but mostly for my christian life. Cuz I need to try harder to be a Christian. I'm not doing so well with it right now. I hate being here. I'm so tired of this 'place', it's so confusing and lonely. I'm know I'm not alone, yet....I don't know. I just wanna cry. I've done wrong and feel unworthy of forgiveness. Especially because the wrongs are wrongs I've done so many times before. Back and forth. Over and over. Sin...depression....forgiveness....joy....then sin again. I hate this game satan has me stuck in. Like Jumanji....u wanna quit and get out but it forces you to stay and play the game until you get through all the hard stuff and finish the game. When will I finish mine?? I don't wanna play anymore. I just wanna live for God and fulfill His purpose for me. I wanna save souls...but I can't even keep mine saved. Why do I keep coming back?????? When I'm in this 'place' I feel like I just wanna give that up too. I just wanna let go of everything and just let the world do with me what it wants. I wanna not care anymore. I wanna fade out and forget everything. I need more christian friends. I have all of you and I love you so much...I wouldn't trade ya'll or oasis for anything, you help me so much. But I need christian friends that I can talk to in person. I need to see someone face to face. I need someone to hold me and comfort me. I know plenty of christian people, but they are all older adults...I need someone my age, I need a friend. I was feeling like this a few weeks ago, and then my cousin moved here. I was so happy, but she isn't a christian. It helps that she's here, to talk to and hang out with, have fun with. But I need christians. I feel so alone sometimes. I hate being alone. Even though I'm not...I have family around me at all times....but I really don't have friends. Face to face friends. I hate this. I hate feeling the way I do right now, I hate being so sad. It's good to cry, but I'm tired of crying. I cry all the time. I wonder what they would think if the people around me knew I cried so much. How can u be so joyful and happy one day, and the next, ur weeping. I never cry in front of people, never have. But when I'm crying alone at night, I want someone to see. I want someone to know and to be there, and just cry with me. Understand me.
I saw a video by 'The Skit Guys' the other day. It was talking about when someone is so depressed and sad, no one can cheer them up no matter how hard they try or what they try. They don't understand why the person is so sad and there's nothing they can do. So in the video, the sad guy is in a diner and his loved ones come in trying to help him but no one can. Then, at the end...the waitress comes to the guys table and just sits next to him. Doesn't say anything, just sits there with him. That vid. really touched me. I've been where that guy was so many times....I understand. All I want is for someone to come and just sit next to me, cry with me, holding my hand... like that waitress did. She just sat there understanding his pain, not trying to make it go away.
I don't know. I get so mad at myself for letting this happen yet again. I don't know how to fight hard enough to stop. How do I stop?? Jesus help me, shine your light in this dark 'place' I'm in. Let me see the way out and teach me how to not come here again.

Good morning sis Whitley

I am one those "older adults" , well ok , don't know about the adult part , always been a Boys 'R' Us kid ( I dont wanna grow up !) . But grow up we will , whether we like it or not right ? . And that is what I see here , a growing process . You know or if you've noticed , everytime we fall and get back up , the getting back up becomes easier ? and we do that until we learn how to stay up . Just like babies , you put them on the floor and they go "what's this ?" Unfamiliar grounds right ? , the familiar to them is for someone to carry them around (which by the way , is a lot higher than the floor ) so the next thing they do is look around and they see that everyones's way up there and try to do so likewise , but all they can manage is to roll over and end up on their bellies only this time all they see is carpet "oh oh wrong move ! , now how do I get to the other position , at least there I was looking up " they think , well in trying to do so they find out that if I were to move my feet around at least I wont be in the same spot and " if I was to move my arms at the same time I get higher than the carpet !" but little that they know , the are gaining in strength and before you know it they're crawling all over the place . but at first being happy about their "great achievement " they know there is more to it that just crawling , because they dont see anyone else doing it .So on it goes , next thing you know they're standing and falling , stepping falling , two steps ,fall get back up and now they're trying to break the world record for the hundred meter dash ! . yeah , they dash right into the furniture huh ? .

That's the way it is with us sis , the thing is , you ARE back ! and better yet you're learning what not to do , things as saying stuff like ...

I've done wrong and feel unworthy of forgiveness.

No one is unworthy of forgiveness sis , that is world talk ok ?

The Christian walk is unfamiliar grounds and it gets confusing sometimes , but never as confusing as the world , all we do is put one foot in front of the other and watch where we stepping .

Now let's see what the other "adults" have to say ok ?

Welcome back , Luv ya

First I want you to know I care.

That must of felt good to get that all out.

I pray you find the comfort you are looking for.

If it's any consolation to you, I to keep struggling with the same thing, over and over. Just last night I was asking myself how'd I get here again? I was just on top of this, feeling as if I had concurred it. I'm certain it's from the enemy. He has a fingernail pried in somewhere, allowing these things to keep coming back. It's when we find where it is we are letting him in, and through Christ repair the hole or close the door that we can finally overcome these things we keep falling back into.

Doubt, fear, lack of faith. We must trust God has a plan for us and seek him during these times. Allow him to add his grace to cover your down falls. After all that's what he shed his blood for. Hard to do at times hu? He is so good, he's even willing to help us apply the forgiveness if we ask.

I liked your prayer. I think God did to. He's working in you. He's working to fulfill what you've asked for.

Also, I've sat here with you for 30 min before I spoke. God loves ya sis and so do I.

sis, you state here that you need to try harder to be a Christian....I want you to know that this is a lie whispered to you by the enemy. Being a Christian is not about what you do, but about Who you Love. See if you love Jesus with all your heart, and know that He resides in you, then you are a Christian. A life of being a Christian is full of bumps and bruises, because we fall down and get up. Your going to fall sis, but the most important thing is to remember to get right back up. It's when you stay down that will get ya. Jesus died so you could be forgiven for each and every fall, but He is also a presence that surrounds you, and when you feel that He is telling you not to go down that path, then reach out and ask Him to help pull you away. He will you know. Yes sometimes we have to be around worldly people, but that's when you need to let Jesus light shine through you most. Don't give in to temptation, but instead turn away from it.

Praying for you sis. Come on time to get up and finish the race. We are all here for you.

luv ya bunches

Those cracks where Satan can get in are where we can be getting filled with God so He is coming out through those cracks so Satan can't be getting in

For a while, I was living outdoors in Boston; and winter came. Was I going to retreat indoors, or was there a way to stay out? Well, around the time of the colder weather starting, I discovered a warm air grate. The upcoming air was enought to keep me warm, even in the winter. But, in order to keep the winter wind from blowing the warm air away from me, I would put three boxes end-to-end, slip in the top end, then pull the flaps shut and be cozy inside But . . .one night, as I was oozing off into a nice sleep . . . all of a sudden it was like I was being licked by a doggie with an ice cold tongue on my neck . . . > well, I figured that would be it and I started going back to sleep . . . but again, right when I was getting into sleepy-land . . . that doggie licked me again. So . . . awww . . . little doggie, you won't do that any more > but . . . uh-uh . . . doggie just wouln't stop > my three tandem boxes were different sizes so they didn't tightly fit together enough to keep the winter gusts of freezing air from blowing in between the boxes to lick my neck and face. Now, then > I could be lazy and hazy in my drowsiness and pretend that for the rest of the night that air wouln't come licking me again, or I could go out in that cold winter night and find some boxes that fit together enough to keep the freezing gusts of air out. So . . . I decided to get some real rest, which meant going out first to get those boxes . . . and *test* them, taking the time in that freeing air out there, to make sure they interlocked right. So, then I brought them back, set them together . . . plus, I made holes on the boxes' sides that would be down to the grate, so that upcoming air would blow in through the holes with me and then out the slight cracks, to help keep that cold air from coming in > so, now not only was the cold air kept out, but I was snuggling with that warm air in there with me

So, what really works is God filling us with Himself and His warmth of love so He is in here for us, making it "hard" for Satan to get at us. And we have Him warmly flowing out to others > "My cup runs over" (in Psalm 23:5) Our own cups run over with whatever is really in our cups . . . to make others the same way, including our kiddos > so . . . we have this motivation of caring about others, to keep us going after how You can make us better, LORD. Thank You, in the name of Jesus

It's for our children, our friends, also that we need to do this, so they also can be reached and changed by how You are able to correct us and transform us to be like You in love, LORD our God who are *almighty* to do this easily and breezily and beautifully. It's not about struggling, but snuggling and resting . . .

Our guilt-tripping ourselves, then, can be a way of trying to pay God off by punishing our own selves so we can do that pleasure thing, again, or the excitement thing over and over. And then, as You get me away from the stuff I know is wrong . . . now Satan can work to get me into something else; so I need to be submitting to You to make sure this doesn't happen. Only You can make sure we really get in Your goodness of peace and obeying You and . . . being pleasing to You. Are we really about pleasing God? Or, are we trying to *use* Him just to make our problems go away so we can do things we want?

There is no in-betweensie land > there is no such thing as paying God off by "not sinning" so we can do things we like but not be busy with being pleasing to Him.

"But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowlege of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins." (2 Peter 1:5-9)

We have so failed at this, because this is possible only with God. It's not only "hard", but *impossible* for us. "But He said, 'The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.'" (Luke 18:27)

So, just stay with this > Jesus Himself sayd, "seek and you will find," (in Matthew 7:7) So, Jesus Himself has this hope for you. Jesus knows it is realistic to expect this with us. And as You grant us this success, we will have this hope for others, also

See this is why I love all of you so much! Each one of you is a help and a blessing. It did feel good to get that out, and it felt even better to see all the your replies. Made me cry. You each said something I needed to hear. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my struggling. Thank you for caring.

What would I do without Oasis?? I love how when you get on here it says welcome home. I really do feel at home here, you all are my friends and family.

I'll be working on filling in those holes and cracks. And I see that I am growing.

God Bless all of you, thank you!

Sis, we truly love you. When I think of the Oasis, I find it to be home as well. Even when I'm traveling away from my physical house, I can come here and find friends and family and love.

The Oasis is a blessing to many, and I'm so glad you are part of that blessing sis.

luv ya

Thanks mlg, I know you do.
I'm listening to a song, 'Give Me Your Eyes' by Brandon Heath. Such a great song and I pray the prayer he's singing in this song. But I guess right now, I need to pray a similar prayer...a prayer for God to give me His eyes to see the holes and cracks where Satan is creeping in. I have to understand how to fix these, to fill them with Christ so that Satan cannot enter.
I don't want to keep letting the enemy in, don't want to fall into temptation every time it's put in front of me. But I am growing...I see that. I know I've gotten better. Maybe not better with resisting temptation, but at least better afterward...cuz I always come back to the Lord. And I get stronger every time I guess. I get back up when I fall, and each time, I get back up sooner than the last time I was down. Ya'll helped me realize that.
Lord help me...Fill in those holes and cracks...help me to see what I need to do and show me how to do it. Alone and by my own strength I am nothing and can do nothing.

Oh and I was gonna mention...last night when I got on here, I had pains. Like...as soon as I came to the site, I literally had physical pains all the sudden in my arms and legs and face. It was weird. Then as I started to post, it went away. I don't know, guess the enemy didn't want me coming here.

Sis you are right the enemy does not want you to come here as he knows you will find healing and step closer to Christ.

I love that song. I've prayed it many times as well. I feel if we are to reach the world, we need to be able to see the world and feel what they are going through.

I see you growing too. With patience God is working his good work in you and through you. You will get stronger and stronger to fight this temptation. You can do this, through Christ, who strengthens you.
Progress, not perfection.

love ya sis
It is good to see you home.

Wow, thank you Pine for reminding me of the progress not perfection. I had forgotten about that already...huh, wow. Thank you, God Bless! Love ya lots

Sis, I think of how many times David fell in his walk with the Lord, but yet God loved him so greatly that he forgave him and restored him each and everytime. As long as we turn back to the Lord after we fall, He will lift us back up and place us on our feet.

luv ya