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Ok this is gonna be alot. Im just gonna get it all of my chest.

First and foremost, I work my hands to the bone trying to take care of my family. Regardless of this, I never have enough to pay all the bills, rent and food. I am falling behind and the stress of trying to keep up is driving me crazy and making it VERY difficult to focus on the good lord.

Second. My wife has been verbally abusive to me for the past three years. I attempt to be understanding, because she went through many abusive relationships before me which jaded her. Still she hurts me soo bad and I cant even feel anymore... I feel so depressed.

On top of this, my wife has been chatting online and texting with other men every day. And the little bits of the conversations I ever see break my heart. her conversations are heavily flirtatious. She tells people shes single online or on her phone. She lied to me recently and told me she was invited to go with a friend out to Kansas and asked me to buy her a round trip ticket. Two weeks later she tells me that it was a lie, and she was going to go by herself to go meet one of these guys she was talking to. She was going to spend a whole week in another state with another man and was going to have me pay for it!!! I forgave her, and told her I want my wife back... ever since, she has still been chatting and texting, and I find it harder and harder to trust her. Just yesterday I saw her cahtting with this guy and she called him "love". She doesnt even call me that. My heart is broke and Im spiraling in depression.

The only thing that keeps me going through all of this is my 2 children (one of which she had to a dead-beat father before I met her, but I love him as my own) and Christ. I finally realized the other day that only Christ can offer me the perfect love I seek and I yearn to be in his presence.

I appreciate the chance to get all of this of of my chest. I cant wait to see what day 2 has in store.

I love you all, my brothers and sisters in christ!

Sebas

I dont want to neglect to mention my faults for I am far from perfect. When going through the above, I turned to a friend to share my problems instead of turning to her. Mostly becuase Ive been afraid of further abuse. Regardless, Lately I have been growing distant from her. And when She asks me why I have lied to her and told her it was nothing. Again, afraid of further abuse. plus we have had this conversation/yelling match SOOOO many times before, i just dont want to have the same argument. I have been letting the pain brood within me and it is preventing me from focusing on what I need to do to improve my situation. In fact the pain has caused me to be tempted to "cheat" in return, but I cant bring myself to do it. and even thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach and resent myself. I know I need to give my problems to the lord, yet I cant seem to let them go. My faith is weak, and it kills me. I want to have abundant overlflowing faith in the lord. and I will strive for it. But all of this is not helping. I just did not want to paint the picture as if I was only a Victim. I am at fault too, and I feel the source is my confusion of how to deal with this situation. Lord Help me, and bless all men on this Earth as you see fit. you are my light and my way!

Sebas

Cloud, after reading your shared words, something comes to mind...where exactly is Jesus in your marriage and your life. Right now I think you need to concentrate on growing closer to Jesus, and allowing Him to heal you, and work in you. Then He will be able to work on your marriage. Satan is going to try and throw all sorts of temptations your direction, especially when he knows you are hurt by your wife's actions. You have to fight those temptations, and place your focus on God. Build a foundation with the Lord, and then allow Him to handle your marriage. You cannot change your wife, you can only change yourself. You have to give your wife to the Lord and pray for her, and then watch God move in her.

Good to see you doing the steps.

Take care and God Bless

Hello brother

Oh , my , brother , I was getting angry just from reading your "situation" . It reminded me of a time when my ex tried a game like that , and my reponse was "How much door locks coast these days ? "
Did that mean it didnt hurt ? . Of course not , but in the course of life I was living , I learned , it is better better to go all out and cry your heart out for day and get it over with and have the rest of your life with God to enjoy to the fullest , rather than cry a little bit everyday for the rest of the duration and miss out on what God has to offer .
It is only obvious she hasnt met Jesus yet , and that alone could cause a prob. as it is , let alone buying her a round trip ticket to see who ? Come on brother !! If it was me I'd say "I'll be more than glad to buy you a ticket ... one way !! , let me help you pack ."

Cloud , I pray that you dont take what I just said as a suggestion , I'm only expressing what I finally did to my ex , even when it was yet a mere hint .
MLG is asking where is Jesus in all this , I'd say He's with you only and not her , so , in essence , you two are "dancing" to differnt drummers.
See to it that you clean up your side of the street where Jesus is , by examining yourself through these steps , and let go of your anger so that you'll be able to see the truth in all this. Only then you'll be able to see how damaged a relationhip you're in .

Have you tried counseling ?

I pray for you Bro