He is there sis. He will never leave you. i know this is hard..its very hard, but you can do this. io know you are pouring your heart out to Him..be honest with Him..give Him everything you got...He can handle it...the burden isnt yours to carry...He will carry it for you if you give it to Him and dont take it back. Believe what He says just because He said it. He doesnt lie sis...the enemy lies to tell you He isnt there. God is your strength. God is your help. read Psalms 91 and start replacing those thougths with God's word. Let the Spirit speak truth to you. Its so different from what the enemy has been telling you. He IS there. You are so very precious to Him. He would and did die for you to claim you for His own...planned from before the foundations of the earth He knew you and called you His. He is there. Believe even when it feels like you cant. Hope against hope...believe in the things you cant see sis..that is faith. He is there. He said He is and He meant it.
you are so not alone in this.
l love you.
in Jesus, your sister
momo