Christianity Oasis Forum

[UpSide413]

Wow Day 4, tears in my eyes!! Forgiveness thought I was doing pretty good in that area except for myself! What an eye opener and to know I'll be judged on the same chart!

(That confuses me. If I've not totally forgiven others, has God not totally forgiven me? OR is my christian "works" going to be judged with the same scrutiny as I have judged others?)

Soooo many things God brought to my mind this morning that I need to totally forgive. I was the one who had forgiven BUT not forgotten. When I'm upset telling others all the past wrongs that had been committed against me so I could get comfort all over again! That is exactly how I have forgiven myself for my own sins. How ironic! Close to God, sins forgiven and forgotten. Drifted from God all the sins come back and even doubt my salvation.

God I lay these things at your feet now. Please in Jesus name never allow me to pick them up again. Let me totally forgive these who have hurt me. God please feel any void with Your love and Grace.
My uncle V molesting me
His wife for knowing and allowing it.
Cousin D continued molesting me (V's daughter. I'm sure she was a victim as well)
Forgive myself for not stopping it or telling someone.
Dad's drinking, rejection, and fury!
Hubby giving me STD
Hubby allowing me only one child (hid his vasectomy) he has more than one child so he didn't want more.
Hubby's continued rejection because he says I need to lose 45 lbs.
Hubby actions / comments that are intended to make me feel stupid, fat, and ugly.
Oh God, help me totally forgive those hurts in the past and continually forgive my hubby and heal my marriage.

Now lets get to the ones I need to ask forgiveness from: God give me the courage and humility to go to these people that I have hurt or not supported as I should have. Help me to never repeat the same again in Jesus name.
Coldness to my husband. {Let the fire burn again for a happy God centered marriage. Let me express Godly love, respect and trust even when it isn't returned. Void fill, plz God.}
Hubby to forgive me for my drinking. {That is so selfish on my part. I didn't want to deal with current problems so I just escaped through food and alcohol.}
Sis for not providing the Godly support she needs during her cancer.
Child, Step-children, and grandchildren for not being the Godly example a parent should be.

Now God wash me and make me clean. In Jesus name I repent and turn from my sins. I ask Your forgiveness and mercy. 1 John 1:9 I am trusting in. If You, God of the universe, can forgive me, then who am I not to forgive myself and others. I love You Lord, and thank You for bringing me here.
Guess this is void fill!! Thank You - God!!

[Dora]

Love you sis. I think you're terrific. Strong in the Lord and determined to do good. God bless and keep you. Thanks for sharing.

[Smiles]

Upside,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt and honest post today. As I read it, my heart was touched and moved. I felt a compassion and love for you and what you have and continue to experience. I desire to pray for you that God would continue to bless and strengthen you while bringing you a peace and comfort that you never expected to experience.

My heart went to Philippians 3:12-14 and I especially liked the Message version. I hope it blesses you. "I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have made it. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friend's don't get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running and I'm not turning back."

The Smiles version is this, "Lord, I know I don't have it all together, but Lord I know through you I am on my way in this journey. I am pressing to get as close to you as I can. Lord I want to be as close to you as the day that you saved me by your love and grace and mercy. Lord, I know I'm not perfect and I have so far to go. But Lord, I'm not looking back. I'm not going to allow the enemy to cause me to dwell on my past mistakes, my past hurts, and the guilt. For Lord, I know you've forgiven those things and through you, I too am forgiving them. Lord, I'm looking to you. Walking with you. Talking with you. And one day seeing you, face to face. That's my goal. And I'll not turn back. I'm going forward."

Love and prayers to you.

Smiles :)

[deetu]

You are doing amazing UpSide

[UpSide413]

You know, I didn't think I held much blame for my actions, but reading some of my previous posts I realize I do hold others to blame for some of my actions. "Well if they were different, or if that hadn't happened" and so on. NO ONE is responsible for my actions except myself!!
Also, today selfishness was brought out in the lesson. When I let my addictions run my life, then that is pure selfishness. I'm only doing what I want to do! No matter who it hurts. God forgive me.

Oh God strip me clean. Open my eyes so I can see all the dirty crevices so I (We) can clean them out. Thank You in Jesus name.

[phantomfaith]

Such an awesome testimony UpSide and awesome replies too. You all are such amazing witnesses to the Lord Jesus Christs Healing Power

Please listen to this :

CLICK HERE

[UpSide413]

Thanks to all of You and our Wonderful God I am making progress!
Reading and hearing Gods word it's hard not to move forward or turn away from the Word. I've heard this quote before: The Word will either keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Word. I believe that.
When I was drinking, I definitely wouldn't be listening to KLove on the way to the store!!!
Now I try to keep Christian music on all the time..
Love you guys!
You're the pebbles attached to the ROCK!!

[Dora]

You have blessed so many.

I agree it's hard to read the word when you are choosing to sin. Impossible because the two worlds fight against each other.

Upside sis I want you to know that you are loved just as you are. I have heard in your words some feelings of low self worth because of the weight and other things. I just wanted to touch on that specifically. God loves you just as you are. Even if you lost the weight perhaps there's something else that isn't liked by someone and your focus would go towards that one thing. Make since? Love yourself just as you are because God does. And so do I! Psst.

[Guest]

hey hun, part of my issue of letting go is my ex had the snip while we were together because he already had children and never told me about the operation. forgiveness feels so hard, perhaps forgiveness isnt but the pain feels very real. every time i cry i just say "by jesus stripes i am healed". i know claiming jesus forgiveness and authority over the situation counts more than my feelings, that he is bigger and can love me. all i need now is to love myself. all we all need to do is love ourselves xxx

[deetu]

Pebbles attached to the Rock... I like that

You are healing faster because you are not fighting it... wanting to be totally cleaned. That is soo great. Keep it up, up

ps...love your avatar

[UpSide413]

I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading your replies. The love of God is here in this place. Thank you all so much for the advice and encouragement. I'm trying to soak it all in like a sponge. Doing my stepping stones and having such great support, I have no doubt I can accomplish my task.
Oh btw doubt was mentioned today in step 7.
Yesterday in step 6 I was to make a chart of 10 different things to do to help me with my journey and faith. I know to some of you these might sound small, but if I can keep them up, then I will move up to more.
Prayer and Praise 3 x daily (doesn't include blessings...)
Read a chapter a day in the Bible
Read one proverb a day
Stepping Stones (until completed)
Meditate 5 minutes a day (only one I haven't done today, and so late I'm afraid I'll just go to sleep....
8 minute exercises in the morning (book by Jorge Cruise)
Eat a healthy diet
Listen to Christian music at least 30 minutes a day
Tell my hubby I love him. Say it with heart and feeling.
and last but NOT least. Log into CO everyday!!
I'm supposed to be working on the Body, Mind, and Spirit. I think that covers it.
Half of my journey is being able to be open. I can't do that anywhere but here.
love to all, In Christ
UpSide

[Dora]

You're soaking it up like a sponge cause you want to. You're ready and willing and not fighting. I like the choices of your chart. It's inspiring.

Love ya bunches!