Christianity Oasis Forum

[cl0udstr1fe]

Forgiveness. I have forgiven My wife of her actions against me, and I would love to forget them completely. This is incredibly difficult when she continues to do it, and does not heed my cries for positive change. I must forget, for I must forgive how I wish to be forgiven. If her actions continue, do I simply ignore them because I have already forgiven her and Im trying to forget? This is quite a puzzle for me. Does anyone have any sugggestions concerning purely "forgive and Forget"? Also my trust is damaged in the process as she continues to do what she does, and I really dont want that or anything else for tht matter to come between me and the lord. How do I regain my trust in her, and forget what she is doing to me, almost daily with the verbal abuse, and certainly daily witht he Chat/texting. ouch. I must let it go.....I will be praying and pondering on this all day. ANy advice you could give in the meantime is appreciated.

Love,

Sebas

[mlg]

Cloud, Forgiving others and yourself is not an excuse for the actions that were done. Forgiving is releasing yourself of the pain of the past, letting it go. It doesn't mean that you are allowing their actions, or agreeing with them. When you forgive you are freeing yourself. The things that have been done to you can no longer control you. We have a choice to make forgive and have the ability to move forward, or live the past over and over through the grudge we are carrying, and never have true healing. It's your choice...only one you can make.

Take care and God Bless

[comfy]

Yes, I'd say a number of people say, "Forgive and forget." And we have how God, Himself, says He will not remember our sins >

"'I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions
. . . . . . . . for My own sake;
. .And I will not remember your sins.'" (Isaiah 43:25)

And ones say if you still remember what you say you have forgiven, then you haven't really forgiven the person.

What I understand is . . . God is still aware of our past sins. But He does not keep bringing them up against us. Not remembering can mean something is not being brought up, over and over. But it doesn't have to mean a person has totally forgotten something.

I notice how there are sins of the past, which God has forgotten, yet these are recorded in the Bible; so in order for the Holy Spirit to inspire people to record these sins, God could not have totally forgotten them after He did forgive them. So, I'd offer > to forget means you are not going to keep bringing it up against her.

I'd say forgive and *test*. And give her a chance with however you can trust her, but be ready for her to fail. Be strong enough to bear however she might fail your trust. Jesus keeps trusting us, even though we fail Him.

We do good to start fresh, each day, for the sake of however God may have made someone able to do better. Be ready for this, too . . . however one may do better. Each day, it helps me to wait until God first gets me in His peace, then see how I see and feel about things. I can't trust what I am thinking and feeling while I am hurt and criticizing and depressed and unforgiving and other negative ways of being. He gives me encouragement, and doesn't God at times remind us of how He has had mercy on us about whatever? Yes, He is remembering and bringing these things up, but not in order to put us down, but to rebuke and confront and coax and encourage us to remember how we, also, have been wrong and inexcusable and He expects us now to have compassion and generous forgiveness for others . . . like He has done with us.

I could get in a rage at my mother, after how she could be foul and nasty and ornary and condescending with me. And then God would expose me to His love; and I'd realize, "This is not how I have been loving with all people." And I would see how I need to be more how God is in His beautifully pure and pleasant and kind and caring love.

About trusting after forgiving > nowhere does it say to trust someone as soon as you forgive the person. The Bible says, "Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) And we have how ones being considered to lead God's people need to be "tested" "first" > see 1 Timothy 3:1-10. So, even ones worthy to be considered to pastor need to be "tested" . . . though surely they have been forgiven. You, too, then, should be humbly welcoming people to test you and not just blindly trust you because you think they should.

But I'd say give her a chance. Test her by trusting her however you in prayer find God would have you doing this. But take responsibility for your choices to trust her, and be ready to forgive how she might fail.

This is a very personal thing, though. You and she are a unique couple with your unique way of relating that is going to develop for you two. So, I certainly am not the one to know what is for you two. Enjoy how God brings you to Himself and how He has you learing to do things with her. Become how you want to be with her as her husband, so she can see who is waiting for her, maybe I could say (o: "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

[Mackenaw]

Hello Cloudstrife,

God bless you this day.

There are many things going on in your life -- lots of challenges. While it would be very easy for any one of us to tell you that you need to this, that or the other -- based off our own experiences -- they may not be what God wants you to do. He is a personal God. He knows the plans He has for you, and your relationship with Him is the most important of all.

I know that when someone within our lives is miserable, it is a challenge for us to stay focused on God because of the negative impact the other person has on us. But hold tight, Cloudstrife, hold tight to God.

In the midst of chaos and anger, our carnal mind desires to guide us, so then we have to make the decision whether to go with what our natural/carnal/flesh mind is telling us, or to wait on guidance from our Lord Who speaks to our spirit which is alive and empowered by The Holy Spirit. We actually have to stop and pray and listen with everything within us. Calling out to God to give us the right words to speak. Our flesh/carnal mind does not agree with most things God wants for us -- much less another human being that is operating totally in the flesh/carnal. So, it is a challenge, but one you can overcome with the help of our Lord.

When your wife is enraged, she does not want you to be calm. It will probably tick her off more; however, that is how God wants us to be...calm and meek. However, being meek is not being weak. Please take time to understand that. Ask The Holy Spirit to teach you about the fruit of the Spirit, and also the beautiful characteristics of God, Himself.

There are several places within The Bible that tells us to wait to hear from The Lord before we respond:

Exodus 4:12 Now therefore go, and I wil be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.

Matthew 10:19 But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.

Mark 13:11 But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be give you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak; but the Holy Ghost.

Luke 12:12 For the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say.

Luke 21:14-15 Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what ye shall answer:
(15) For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist.

Cloudstrife, continue to lift your wife up in prayer to our Lord, while you are alone with God in your prayer closet. Continue to seek The Lord and He will guide you and teach you and lead you into all understanding.

I continue to lift you up in prayer. God's blessed will be done.

God bless you and keep you, Cloudstrife.
In His love,
Sister Mack