Christianity Oasis Forum

[Jane Lee]

Let Go and Let God!

I keep telling myself that in my head, but I dont quite feel it in my heart.
Control my mind which is the soul that controls my heart and spirit...so I am trying to think it...let go and let God...

Today is when I am supposed to say how God's grace is sufficient...sometimes we do not know why things happen...but I am to believe that there is a reason to everything.

Day 3 of my stepping stone will be the most memorable it seems.

On my way to work, I got into a car accident...my FIRST car accident ever as a driver!!!
Hit hard blindsidedly before getting the chance to fully drive out of my own driveway...yes my very own DRIVEWAY!!

OUCH! REEEEEALLY?!?

Really...really....omg....really? was all that went through my head and then i felt anger and then I felt extremely sad because I started to feel sorry for myself and life. But all that went away sooner than I thought.

Right now, I am not angry...I am not as frustrated as I think I normally would be...and I am not as traumatized as I should be about the incident. I am trying to figure out why that is...so maybe it's cuz I am listing the things I should be grateful for since I am not badly injured, my car is not completely totaled, and I have people around me who care for me.

My mom crashed my car only 2 months ago and it really hasn't been that long since I got my car back. I was so upset because there were so many expenses and costs associated that I had to pay out of pocket.

I look back now on today's event...everything today went so smoothly without me having to do a thing...my mom called the lawyer she used for her accident while I was still trying to exchange my insurance info with the guy who crashed into me. I had a towing truck already coming to pick up my car since it was immobile before I even came to my senses because my mom had already taken charge. The body shop already knew my mom so they were kind enought to give us rides back to our home and are trustworthy. And my dad came (parents are separated right now) and took me to see a doctor.

Today was A LANDMARK MILESTONE for my family!! In most normally functioning families, what my parents did are expected and normal. But for me, this was the first time when I think I wasn't the one having to take care of things and the one making things right. My family is what you would call "eccentric" (nicest way to describe).

I have taken care of my parents and family...financially and emotionally and everything else-lly. I work and work and work and give and give and give until I feel so empty and dry that I feel like the living dead. This is the root of my problem and I pray that God be my provider.

This counseling and journals are amazing...because while I try to transcribe my thoughts onto this journal...and ask questions and write about my feelings and doubts...I come across answers and see little rays of sunshine that enlighten me as I am beginning to see the truth of my reality and slowly seeing more of God in my life...literally as I write.

I think I am feeling quite okay (mentally & emotionally) for a person who just got into a car accident...because it has been the first time in over a decade where I actually felt taken care of. I did not have to do A THING today...maybe that was what made me feel uneasy...but that's a whole different topic. In retrospect, it makes sense as to why my mom had to crash my car 2 months ago...otherwise...today would have been a disaster and I would be in utter devastation and be angry and resentful not just towards my family, but at God as well...and I would be back in the darkness. He also let me feel like the protected child and my parents the protective parents. The roles reversed to be the way they really should be. Maybe there is hope for my parents afterall...maybe there is hope for me in this life...maybe I need to really start believing and seeing God as my Father and Provider although I never had that from my parents...well can't say never now because they did pull through for me today.

I want to believe that this is me putting my TRUST in God. God is the only One who is in control.
Let go and Let God...I am sure there will be more good things to come in the future from today's event.
Have a wonderful weekend as we let go and let God.