Christianity Oasis Forum

[Butterflyangel6]

Hello,
I am Melynda. In my life I have played many roles. I have been a daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, wife and the most important a mother. Throughout my life I have tried to fill each role the best I could. But I am finding out as and adult that in many ways I have failed. My life has not been the best life, but it certainly has not been the worst.

My marriage to my ex- husbanded ended 2009 after 22 years. Like I said before it was not the worst marriage but there were lots of things wrong with it. We married in 1987. We both were 19 years old. We were both from broken dysfunctional homes. My parents divorced a month after I was born, so I never grew up with my father around. I spent one week a year during the summer with him, his wife and children. I think this is where some of my trust and attention issues came into play.

My marriage produced the two loves of my life. My son and my daughter, who are now 23 and 21. We were always a close family, They loved there father with all their hearts. My son strived for his attention and my daughter was daddy's little girl. We moved a lot so my children went to over 10 different schools. We did not settle down until they were in middle school where they finally made friends outside of the family (other than cousins).

These were the declining years of my marriage. I stop working and went back to school. I worked part time jobs while in school, but did not make much money. After getting my Associates degree in Social work, I started working a part time job as a social worker for company who was contracted out by the state. Part time was 35 hours a week and I took a full class load while working on my BSW. Shortly after that my husband was laid off. He received unemployment which paid the bills. During this time I continued to work and go to school. My husband was going to GED classes and was on the road to going to college also. The state would pay his way and he would receive unemployment until he reached his goal. That did not last long, He stopped going to classes. Mean while I was making new friends and growing as a person. To make a long story short he left and we soon divorced.

Our children were 19 and 17 at the time. Most people say it is better when the children are older when the parents divorce because they can understand the situation. In our case this was not true. My children were heart broken. There world had just exploded. My daughter and my ex- husband became enemies. My son started to with draw from the family. Things are better now, but I still see the repercussions of the divorce in all of us.

I graduated in 2011 with my BSW. I have lived by myself for the first time in my life and I work as a staffing manager for a staffing agency. After the divorce I dated and really went wild with the men. Nothing illegal, but I slept around. I have never been with anyone but my ex husband, so I was making up for it fast. Finally I met someone who I thought was going to be perfect for me. He had a good job and raised his daughters by himself. He told me he was not ready for a steady relationship but he could not stop contacting me and seeing me. We dated and slept together for three years. I was ready for our relationship to move forward, but he was not. I finally told him that I was getting older and I wanted to settle down with someone before I was 50. This cause us to break up. So I thought. I started back into my old routine for going out with men and sleeping with them. He continued to call and text me as we did when we were in the relationship. This cause us to fight a lot and we ended up seeing each other a few times and spending the night together. He recently told me that he had talked to other women throughout our relationship and met one of these women on several occasions. The last one ending up sleeping together. He told me he had a addiction to the attention these women give him. I can understand this completely because I think I have the same addiction. We love each other and can not imagine not being in the others life. We are both starting individual counseling in hopes to get our issues worked out. Anyway this is a lot about me and my life which is probably to much. It is nice to meet everyone and I hope to get some Christian help here.

[mlg]

Hi Butterflyangel6,

Welcome to the Oasis. We are so glad you are here...I am delighted to see you seeking counseling to help you with all the things you have been through and are going through. I believe that what you are looking for in all these men...can only be found in one place....and that is in the arms of Jesus. I know that God has brought you here because He wants to help you and He loves you. I will keep you in prayers.

Take care

[Mackenaw]

Hello ButterflyAngel6

God bless you this day, and welcome to Christianity Oasis.

I'm glad The Lord led you here and that you are seeking The Lord and His counsel. The Lord loves you so very much.

I don't know if you have started reading the 14-Day Christian Counseling Study on this site or not, but if not, I recommend that you do. It is such a wonderful Study and it has helped so many people, myself included, grow in their relationship with The Lord, thereby setting them on The Lord's path for them. Here is the link to the 14-Day CCCC Study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

The Study takes about 30 minutes per day, and it encourages you to journal after each day's reading. There is even a Forum for journaling...here is the link to the area in which to journal: viewforum.php?f=14

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done. I look forward to getting to know you.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack