Christianity Oasis Forum

[Mjh77]

Hi,

I wrote a long post and tried to submit it but it got lost....so i'll try again and keep brief.

I need prayer support and encouragement please.

Married 20 years. 1 young son 8 years.
My wife has rejected God and me it seems. Says she wants to separate/divorce she feels nothing for me.
Problems from day 1. Problems in sexual area. I put brakes on from the beginning and this caused her to 'switch off'. That's about the best way to sum it up.
She then flirted online with an ex 3 years ago (in another country). I confronted. But she stopped then carried on contact but not flirting apparently.
Her father died 3 years ago. Her business failed. Where we live...not much contact with anyone day to day. Her mother and brothers completely rejected us (were nasty after we had supported and helped them over many years) motivated by wanting my mother in laws money i think.
So, it's a complete mess. I feel attacked continually over many years. My wife has given up on our marriage and me...i am completely reliant on God for what happens next.
It would be easy to list all my grievances of how ive been treated, but it takes 2 in any martiage and i have faults too!
More importantly, please intercede for Emma and me (Mike) as I believe only God can fix this one ☺

Please write to encourage me too....as not much fellowship is hard to bear.

Thanks!!!!

[dema]

Prayer is a good start - but it is easier to steer a moving boat. By that, I mean that God generally can work more effectively if you are moving in the right direction.

I don't understand brakes on and turned her off. I don't understand what hurt her and where that went.

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is a great book. My husband and I have each read it twice. We talk about it.

There are other great book. There is the love languages book, and there is the Love Dare book. There are things you can try.

Appreciation alone can do a lot.

You can't change anybody but you. Any nagging or fighting back or anything like that is generally a waste of breath. When things are calm and the other person is receptive, talking about feelings and goals is great. But when things are cold and snippy, generally compliments and appreciation work best.

Yes, pray. But also, find three things to appreciate about your wife every day. If all you can come up with is that she always replaces the toilet paper roll, then tell her that you appreciate that. Generally there are dozens of things each day that people do that you appreciate without realizing it - cooking a meal, taking your son to somewhere he has to be, putting him to bed, washing your clothes, balancing the check book. Start noticing and saying something.

That alone has saved marriages.

As far as the sex thing goes - if you want to answer here or PM me, please use very general terms but specific enough so I can understand. "She wanted to have sex after she had insulted me and I said no." "She wanted a whole lot of foreplay and it was just too much." "She expected me to romance her all day in order to have sex." That level of being specific. Enough so I understand but just enough.

Many times one person hurts another person's feelings inadvertently and never understands. And that ends up tearing things apart and it wasn't even intentional. Women in general have this great need to have their feelings validated. Men in general don't understand the concept of validating feelings. They want to be noticed in terms of career or possessions or other accomplishments. Feelings schmeelings. Both need to learn how to validate the other. Start with appreciation. If you appreciate how she looks or how she is good with your son or how she smells, that would be very helpful. But if all you can do is be glad she sorts the silverware - go with it.