Christianity Oasis Forum

[mosunrise]

My husband and I separated last Thursday. Its been very hard for me to deal with daily. Ive tried asking him to come back and he says "I dont know", not a simple yes or no. Ive been trying to show him love like I feel God wants me to do but all I get from him is his anger and I can see he is frustrated. I have been praying for him to come to God for several months and I havent seen any indication that things are changing. He showed up at my daughters ball game last night but wouldn't sit with us, instead he stood behind the stands on his phone most of the time. I guess im just not sure what to do next. All of our problems started from me wanting a marriage that honors God. I feel God planted that seed in my heart and ive tried to have faith that he will bring that to pass, but its discouraging now since we have now separated. Would God want me to just move on without my husband, or continue to pray and do what im doing? I have prayed for wisdom to know what he wants me to do and I know God hates divorce but is it possible that God wants me to divorce him instead of praying for him to restore the marriage? I dont want a divorce so I dont know if my feelings might be clouding my thoughts about what God wants. Anyone have any insight or advice? I could really use prayers right now as well. Thank you!

[dema]

God works in the peace. Inside each of us is this pushy littly being. I've gotta, I've gotta, I've gotta. That little pushy being can seem very righteous. However, it can get us into more trouble.

We often don't want to do what it wants, but it seems like the virtuous course.

But God works quietly. In the peace. If it feels pushy and like you really gotta - it probably isn't God.

God gave us all free choice. Including your husband. He has the God-given right to not be a Christian, to not go to church with you and to not believe. In general, when getting ready for an event, one and only one comment like, "You know we'd love you to come with us." is all that is appropriate. Pushing tends to make people run in the other direction.

Of course this is important to you. Of course you want to be a Christian family - I get that, I really do. But you don't get to make that choice for your husband.

I recommend that you apologize to him for pushing and that you will try very hard not to push in the future. I suspect that his I don't know means that he wants you - but that he doesn't want to be pushed. And when you are apoligizing, do let him know that you hope he will not be offended if you occasionally share with him. And continue to invite him on occasion.

And that means that that's what you do. When you share, you share like you were telling a story about people in the office. You tell a story. And if he seems uncomfortable, you stop. And if he leaves the room, you let him.

Obviously, I don't know you. This advice is based on a loving non-Christian husband and a newly enthusiastic Christian wife who really wants her husband to go to heaven. And this advice is given prayerfully. With peace.

[MamaKitty87]

This is something I talked to my mother in law about... Instead of pushing God on your loved ones, Lead by example... Scripture says to let others SEE your good works and glorify God!! Don't give up just because there isnt any instant result. My husband was persistent in prayer and fasting over his brother in law for over a year before the man turned to Christ. I know you mean good by trying to tell him over and over about Christ, but can he see Christ in you? Can he see the change that God has done in your life? I'm not trying to turn the tables and say it's all your fault. However, we need to examine ourselves as well and see if we are living as Christ

[dema]

I read this post as a stand alone post. I just realized that this husband has been playing childish games with you for a long time. It is difficult when a spouse is childish and unpredictable. I'm sorry for your confusion. I hope God reveals the right path with peace for you. It is difficult to be the grown-up in such a situation. Try not to engage in stupid little exchanges. It is easy to be roped in. If you replay in your head you can probably figure out how he pulls you in. God bless.

[mosunrise]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. We are still separated and its still hard but im realizing that if he chooses to walk away for good, then I have to let him. He does play childish games and tries to use reverse psychology on me by acting like he doesnt care what I do but other things he says or does, shows that he cares.

So, today I'm feeling a little stronger in that I dont have to have him around to be ok. God will fight my battles and bring me out better on the other side. Not that it wont be a struggle some days, but I can do what I need to do for myself and the kids. If he comes around and proves he wants to make it work, then I can decide how I feel about things at that point. If he moves on, at least I will be bettering myself and it wont be a waste of time. I want to do God's will for my life and letting this situation control me and how I feel about myself is not God's will.

Thank you both.