Christianity Oasis Forum

[eagle_wings]

I really don't know where to start. I don't know what I should say or not to say. All I know right now is that I could really use some prayers. If I was to start at the beginning this would be a very long post and I do not wish to bored all of you.

Basics are that I have been married for 14 years. Of those 14, only 4 or 5 have been good ones. You may ask why stay so long? That part is easy. The children, the hope of fixing what once was great, the love I have for my wife and children. I have so much bottled inside and with no one to express it to. Yes I have been praying and I'm waiting on the Lord for answers.

I think that I've come to the point of a mental breakdown or maybe a midlife crisis, I don't know which. I'm lost in what to do anymore. I don't have an option to leave as I've become disabled as well as I have no where to go. I also don't wish to leave my kids. Unfortunately, staying means more pain and stress that I cannot deal with anymore.

I'm so lost......

[Timothy]

Hello and welcome eagle wings

Have you seen this study here on Christianity Oasis?

http://www.christianityoasis.com/TilDea ... /Forum.htm

If not, please check it out.

Marriage. Its a commitment. Its a stewardship.
A commitment to your spouse AND a commitment to God.
A stewardship over a blessing from God.

Jesus set the example of stewardship. Forgiveness.

Dear Lord,
I pray for Your peace over eagle wings. Comfort him and guide him.
I pray for healing from his disability and for his understanding of his special ability.
Show him Your love, let him experience Your mercy. Build his strength so he may
serve You according to the plans You have for him. Bless his marriage, his family,
and him. Amen.

eagle wings, remove your disguise, bare yourself before God. Open your Bible and seek Jesus.
The answers will come.

Write again as you feel the will to do so.


Timothy

[dema]

Have you read the books on understanding? If you are staying anyway, you might try the various things that have worked for others. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus can give you a woman's perspective. And yes, the things it says really do seem to be universal - or close to it. The love languages book can be helpful too. I can summarize it.

Different people feel loved by receiving different things. One woman may go nuts over gifts. A man may love it when a woman does things for him. These love languages are not man or woman dependent. We are what we are. Learning what we are and if we are different can make a huge difference.

If one person shows love by doing for the other, but the other person wants quality time - then there is a conflict. Perhaps the man works all the time because to him providing for his wife is the ultimate way to show love, but the wife would rather live in a cheap home and have him present. Or vice versa - the wife is always cooking and cleaning and he would rather she sit down and watch TV for a while - or go for a walk.

The love languages are:

Quality time
Acts of service
Words of affirmation - compliments and verbal appreciation. Saying I love you.
Physical affection'
Gifts

If you wife wants gifts, then little gifts will make her feel loved. Buying one flour or bouquet from the grocery store could make her feel wonderful. If she isn't a gift person, then not so much.

A man who likes gifts would probably want bigger ones - that is a Men are from Mars thing. Men tend to like something dramatic, women like thoughtfulness. If she's on a diet - no chocolate. If she isn't - then knowing her favorite candy and getting her even one candy bar can score big points. If she is a gift person.

The book gives you examples on how to tell - but if you listen to when she gets upset - she is likely telling you. Doesn't she get upset at the same thing a lot. What thing is it? Maybe you should listen to find the one thing and find a way to make her feel loved in that way. Sure - it isn't what YOU want - but we end up a lot happier overall if we give beyond our own wants.

And if you do start meeting her needs, she might start showing interest in meeting yours.

[Christianity Oasis]

Amen Timothy !!!

Luv ya bro

[eagle_wings]

As I sit here looking at my keyboard trying to piece together what I should type, I come up blank. I've back-slid as I just don't have the strength to keep going. It is no ones fault but my own and I know that. Other than here I have no one for support. For me just being here isn't enough. I have no one here on earth to turn to. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm living in my own personal hell. Even the little things that bring me joy don't last long and I'm plunged back into darkness. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this outward shell of holding things together before it cracks and falls apart. I don't want pity, that's the last thing I want or need. I need answers and solutions. As I've said before I've been married for 14 years and that only 4 or 5 of those have been good. The reason the rest have been a nightmare is that my wife has been seeing other people for the rest of the time. After our 1st two children is when everything fell apart. I was working anywhere from 1-2 hours away from home and she thought I didn't give her enough attention. From there it has only gotten worse. She has had two other children by two other fathers, to which both of them I claim as my own and love all of them with all that I am. After countless of her "toys," and the reason I call them toys is because they don't last and they nearly all have abused her is some way or form. She just gets bored/tired of them and moves onto the next. I've had to put up with it as I haven't wanted to be separated from my kids. My wife knows she hurts me, but won't change any of it. She has told herself that we are separated and that lets herself off. I guess what has really pushed me this far is having to see this last toy and her together nearly all the time. More so is the fact that I hear them having sex in our home. I have so many emotions running through me and none are good. The little bit of sanity I hold desperately onto is for my children. I have so much more that I could say but just don't feel like saying. I just ask for your prayers. Please.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Eagle_wings

God bless you this day.

I find, after reading your post, that I have many questions. However, I do not want to overwhelm you or pelt you with too many questions, so I'll just ask a few.

Your desire to be there for your children is admirable. May I ask how old your children are, and do they leave the house to go to school or even a job during the week?

Do you regularly leave the house? Because if you do not, I cannot encourage you enough to get outside, and give yourself a break from looking at the same 4 walls, etc. A change in scenery/atmosphere can help clear our minds so that we can better hear God, and get a new perspective.

You mentioned that you are disabled. May I ask what type of disability you have? There are many organizations that offer assistance to people with disabilities, but because the word "disabilities" covers such a wide spectrum, there are actually organizations that specialize in particular disabilities making their services better suited to the individual and in meeting their specific needs.

Also, talk to me about your relationship with Jesus. You mentioned you recently backslid, but talk to me about how long you have been a Believer and what The Lord means to you. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by our testimony of Him.

Eagle_wings, I have been praying and will continue to lift your up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. God's will be done.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[eagle_wings]

You may ask as many questions as you wish. I have 4 children ranging from 5 to 13, all in school. I currently babysit my sis-in-laws daughter while she works. Yes I usually get to get away from the house on Fridays nights for a few hours. Other than that no, I'm usually stuck at home. I was born pigeon toed and have had corrective surgery when I was 2. As of now I'm limited to needing to alternate between sitting and standing/walking to try and keep the pain at a tolerable level. I greatly miss providing for my family. I live in constant pain. Unfortunately my body builds a quick immunity to meds, I used to also drink a little bit at night after work to ease the pain, but as my body became immune and no longer do anything I no longer use them.

I've known of the Lord since I was young. I truly came to know Jesus after I married my wife. I've seen the power of God and have felt the comfort of the Holy Ghost. I've seen miracles and have been on fire for the Lord. What a unbelievable feeling to have. That would have to be the what I miss most.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Eagle_wings

God bless you this day.

Thank you for answering my questions, and sharing more about yourself.

I was so happy to hear that you have had a relationship with The Lord for many years. I have been praying for you since I read your first post, and some of the things I have been sensing were confirmed after you filled in some of the blanks. Yeah!!! God is so very Good!!!

God has truly been communicating with you, but, because you are experiencing great spiritual warfare, you haven't really been hearing Him, nor experiencing the peace that He has in abundance for you. Remember, God's peace is not dependent on things being all warm and cozy, but, it comes upon us regardless of what is going on in our life -- IF we are fighting the good fight of faith to truly connect with Him. God did lead you here, so you do have moments where you follow His lead. YEAH!!! But, as with us all, we can improve upon our dedication to Him. And, the cool thing is, He will help us do so, if we just ask Him.

I'm glad you are able to get out, occasionally, on Friday evenings, but, a daily outing would be better -- if only for an half hour or so, in order to breathe in some fresh air and check out nature. You have been given a new spiritual life (a new nature) in Christ, but what your eyes and ears see and hear can play havoc on your walk -- being that we default to our old nature. I realize you watch your little niece during the week, but unless it's bitterly cold, you could bundle her up and take her outside for some fresh air too. Plus, looking at the world through the eyes of a child helps us adults, tremendously.

Eagle_wings, God desires to guide you through your life. While He does not promise that your life will be without challenge, He promises to be there with you, and to help you overcome...even the most trying situations. Sadly, most of us miss what He has to say and His directives, because the trials seem so LOUD and an assault to our senses. It's important to clear your mind, pray and talk to Him, and then listen for Him...wait upon The Lord.

Have you ever noticed while reading The Bible about times that Jesus, an apostle or a prophet healed a person, that they often had to clear the room of any negative activity, naysayers and noise? Perhaps it's because we're all so easily distracted. Even Jesus slipped away to a quiet place to commune with The Father. Again, follow His example...follow His lead.

There is a blessed 14 Day Counseling Study on this site that has helped so many of us, including myself. I highly recommend that you read it. It only requires a little of your time, and right now you have that time. The study incorporates many scriptures into each day's reading, pointing out various ways we can apply God's blessed Word into our daily lives. Here is the link to that study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

I hope you'll continue to journal here, and let me/us know how you are progressing. Jesus loves you so very much.

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. God's will be done.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack