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wow, what do you know. I was grieving the Holy Spirit...

The past week, I was so busy and my body physically tired, I skipped doing the next step. One day turned to two and so on...

This step just CLEARLY spelled out what I did was not was I should be doing. Unintentional, but I didn't put up my guards and I grieved the Holy Spirit. No excuses...I should repent and say "I'm sorry. I was wrong." Can I post this? I am afraid to utter it or even write it...when I said sorry, my heart wasn't so truthful...why did my heart get SOOO hardened? I am scared. me Lord...
I was so sure that I was going to be strong in this journey but I feel like I am failing...I know what to do but I can't help myself to be fully committed...

I put a distance between myself and the Holy Spirit, who is trying to save my soul!!! I have been, most of my life, very nonchalant about life...just so I don't have to feel or get hurt. My mind is clouded again and so are my emotions.

I need help...spiritual leaders. My inlaws who I live with, are pastor and pastor's wife. I serve at their church but no one is there to give me spiritual guidance as I am the only sunday school teacher for the 6 children in our small church. I need to go feed myself spiritually but I can't seem to make an effort to seek out, except here.

What a failure I am. I look at my previous posts where the Holy Spirit is working in my life and here I am like a dog returning to its vomit!! I hope my post doesn't offend you, who read this, nor feel judgement towards me.

I am a mess. I feel so guilty and ashamed and deep down it's my pride that won't let me let go and let God work in me again.
I need to eject this lie, right? and search for the TRUTH, right? Holy Spirit, I am so sorry. I am wrong. I know I am wrong. Help me to desire YOU more in my life. Soften my heart and rekindle the fire...PLEASE........

Shame and Blame ARE the devil's tools. Guilt is only useful for as long as it takes you to wake up and smell the coffee. Once you are awake and repenting - the guilt needs to be shed. Take it off. Throw it into the back of the closet to be worn for a few minutes next time you need it. Don't keep it on.

Honey, Satan is blowing your sin of omission so out of proportion so you will be dwelling on the sin instead of on God. Anything that takes your attention away from God is wrong - so getting all wrapped up in what you did wrong before - well, knock it off. Get back at God's feet. That's the goal.

Treat it as though you were playing in the water at the beach. And all of a sudden you realize that you are too far away. And so you swim and paddle back and when you get there - ahhhhh. Sweet relief. Except that you can never get too far from God. You are never lost at sea. He will send boats and the Coast Guard and ships and helicopters - God will always work to get you back - as long as you ask.

You cannot walk the Christian walk on your own strength. You do NOT need to work harder. Yes, you need to put in an effort. But, you most need to give it to God. Ask God to show you time to study. Ask God to show you what to study. Ask God to give you a mentor. Let God do it. You have to put one foot after another. You have to call out to God throughout the day. God does most of the rest. He really, really does.

You are a wonderful flower. A precious gift. You are a lovely person.

Please love you. You deserve your own love.

Thank you, dema, for helping me see where I was stuck and focusing on God once again. Thank you for sharing His unending and unconditional love with me. very grateful to God and for you...