Day One Journal

[Chasingcars4life]

When I was young my Father left my mom, brother and I to live a drug user life. It always devastated...to have that split life..both were completely different from one another. He married a new woman, she had three children, and after that my brother and I were always second best. I held onto a lot of anger and resentment towards my father, that I have recently let go of and have forgiven him. But throughout the years I dated some men that were never nice, always rude, and treated me poorly. I never really new what love was, all I had to base it on was my parents. At the time I didn't know God, my mom remarried got divorced, was having a affair with a married man, my dad had gone on and moved on with a new family. I had nothing to go off of but love being broken. I never thought I was good enough for a good man. Who could love me more then my father, a father that wasn't even apart of my life. I felt I was always gonna be alone and that I was never good enough.

Until I met my husband. 6 years ago I met my husband, so in love I was. I had never met anyone like him, he was simply amazing in my eyes. I craved him all the time, I missed him when I was away from him. We started dating in 2006 and we were married on Feb 16th 2007 He was everything I could ever ask for in a man. Faithful, Pure, Sincere, Caring, Full of Love, Peaceful, Genuine, and he worshiped the Lord. I didn't even go to church at this time so I was not familiar with his way of living, but I craved it. Throughout the year I started feeling ashamed of who I was, comparing my self to this beautiful man, and still having that thought in the back of my mind, he's to good for you, he's gonna leave you, leave him before he leaves you. I sabotaged our marriage, I started getting angry, blaming him for everything, putting him down, cursing him, it was horrible, then I began to feel guilty and foolish.

Then in 2008 we had our son, oh my goodness, I was in love all over again, with my husband, and with this beautiful baby boy. He was our little miracle. When my son was 6 months old we got into a car accident (not my fault) but I started to begin to feel like I wasn't a good enough mother, I couldnt protect my son, I felt disgusted as a parent, started to get depressed, and lonely. Feeling more guilt, foolishness, and udder pain, I turned to drugs, I sabotaged my marriage all over again, and now being a mother to my son. The overwhelming feeling of disgust took a hold. More drugs were involved then a affair.

My life was being played by the devil himself. My husband has stayed my husband through the years, but not living together. But recently he has asked me for a divorce and is now seeing another woman. On July 25, 2012 I found this website, I found Jesus, he saved me that day and sense that day I have not touched a drug, I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, I have forgiven my father and many others, including myself, and have asked for Jesus to forgive me, and the forgiveness from many others including my precious husband.

I know that our marriage failed due to God not being our foundation on my part. I lived a sinful life. But I have left that life behind and Jesus has restored my soul and I live for him now. I know that this path will lead me to happiness if I just follow him. He has spoke to me and I will continue to listen. I will stand for my marriage till my dying day, but through him. I have let go of my husband because my words mean nothing now to him for I have said a lot and never followed through. But now I am letting God. I hope and pray that my husband seeks the Lord again and realizes that behind all of this is a beautiful miracle awaiting.

I know now that I can do nothing without the Lord, I will worship him, praise him, and stay faithful forever, AMEN

[ServeGod]

Maybe your husband will not trust the ol' body of flesh, but He will consider the new transformed you. Try letting him know that you have surrendered to Jesus and you no longer want to live the life of the flesh but be a new woman living life in spirit. (Read all of the book of Romans). Renew your mind to the Lord.
Will pray, for reunion.
God bless.