Needing to Change: Day 1

[BabyChristian81]

I am beginning this program as a woman that has made many bad choices through out her life and wants to begin to make the right choices concerning my marriage. When I was 21, I married a man that I had been dating and living with in sin for some time. I became pregnant, and due to my families beliefs, we were forced to marry. I can honestly say that we thought we loved each other. Neither of us were “practicing Christians” and were leading a “worldly” life filled with sin and horrible choices. Soon after we married, we lost our child. I became an angry, bitter person who questioned God and my faith. I stopped believing in anything all together. My husband, at the time, also had no faith and believed in “science” alone. We had no communication and no understanding of each other’s emotions. We tucked our feelings away and never discussed them. He turned to partying and keeping himself busy with work, friends and school, while I turned to Substance Abuse and any attention I could get. Usually that was in the form of other men that would tell me things I needed to hear. Due to my choices and behavior, and the lack of effort either of us put into the marriage, it became volatile and soon ended. Through those years, we did have a beautiful little girl who has been my reason to exist for many years. Two years ago I met, fell in love with and married a man that I can honestly say, seems like God “built for me.” My daughter is 8 now, my husband and I have been married for 2 years, and I was baptized and rededicated my life to God approximately 4 years ago. Over the last year, I have experienced and had to go through many tough times regarding my health, a bad car accident, my place of employment closing, and learning that I can no longer have children. I can fell myself, once again, becoming the angry, bitter woman that I used to be. I am always unhappy and easily aggravated. I am losing patience with my husband and daughter and know that I am not behaving like the Christian woman God wants me to be. I have so much guilt in my heart and the desire to be a better Christian, wife and mother. I am starting this program in order to do just that. I beg for your prayers and guidance through this.