How long do you stick it out?

[Hailey]

I've been married now for 9 years. I made the mistake of "missionary dating" and not reading all the red flags like I should. My husband did and said things that I wanted to see and hear before I married him. Those things are long gone now. IE - being interested in God/church, common interests, INTEGRITY, family relationships. Our marriage has had the life sucked out of it. My husband is an only child (never had to learn conflict resolution), he is a cop (cynical, authoritiarian, and sometimes verbally abusive), he had an absent father who he hasn't talked to in years(doesn't know how to relate to father figures and has issues relating with God). I have horrendus guilt because of my decision and how I see his problems effecting me, my children, my parents and my siblings. My husband has anger issues and is usually mad at something and of course it is usually my fault - or so he says. I have been a people pelaser all my life and so I have let him walk all over me. I don't want my kids growing up seeing his displays of anger, talking to me the way he does and thinking it's ok to be treated like that or to treat others like that. I don't feel a release from God to leave - I have no biblical reasons for divorcing him and I think I should do everything I can to save my marriage - but I am so sad and depressed. This is not the life I pictured. I wanted to marry someone who loves Jesus and loves family and has integrity. How did I get it so wrong? I am paying for this mistake day in and day out. When we have disagrements, I want resolution and to talk about it so we can work it out. He wants to sweep it under the rug and avoid issues of the heart. He is all about logic and practicality. Emotions are week and he has not made himself vulnerable to me AT ALL. He keeps it all locked up inside and then blows when it gets to be too much. Please pray for me. I know that if I give my mess to God, he will work it for his good. But I have to actually live in the reality of my life and figure out how to behave and talk and act in the midst of conflict. I don't know when to walk away. I don't know when to stand up and say something. I need someone I can be emotionally close with and since I can't do it with my husband I know I need to get it from God but I don't know where to start. I don't know how to start. My flesh is weak and I'm in a hole. I want to raise kids who are on fire for God, but now I have to do it myself. The pressure is insane and I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up. I want to go to church but i have a rotating schedule that doesn't allow me to get there much and it stinks sitting there inthe middle of all the whole families and I have the empty chair beside me. I'm chasing the kids around so I can't talk to anyone and my schedule stinks so I can't join a bible study or a small group. I feel like I'm doing this alone and I'm gonna drop the ball. God help me..please.

[sbennett]

Oh my... I am so sorry you are hurting. I know how you feel in many ways. My husband is a lot like yours. It has been hard to get along with him at times and he really has a temper. I dont really know what to say other than keep praying. Also ... I ask God to keep satan out of my marriage and out of me thoughts. Its so easy to get in the negative and stay there. I am praying for you.... That God will work a good thing in your marriage.

Also, there is a counseling program here that is really good. Its a 14 day study. I did it and it really helped me beat a depression I was in. Its called CCCC and its on the main page.

Always remember that God loves you very much.