Incest Survivor

Surviving Incest

Christianity Oasis has provided this Incest Survivor quest for peace for surviving incest shame to bring forth understanding and peace within.


Christianity Oasis
Quest for Blest Rest from Incest
Day 1


Incest Survivor Hope

Surviving Incest Shame Secret

Welcome to our Christianity Oasis Quest For Blest Rest From Incest path of promise. This is our provocative Incest Survivor counseling forum with methods of surviving incest shame. The truth within this Incest Survivor voyage will truly enhance and enLIGHTen your YOU-nique life as you begin to understand the concept of Surviving Incest.

Start our Quest for Blest Rest from Incest
program from the beginning:

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Welcome!

Leaving the State of Confusion
Entering the State of Realization

Incest Survivor Road Trip
Surviving Incest Shame Healing

You made it !!! I hope you chose to wait and not continue on before it was time. I know sometimes how eager and excited we can be to just keep going, but we will absorb so much more if we take in a little bit each day.

Okie Dokie then ... Our fun-tastic healing journey begins ...

Since you and I are so much closer than you know and since we're going to be traveling together for a while, let's talk a bit and expose some of the confusion and hurt within us and allow the winds of truth and understanding to whisk our problems right out the car windows.

What's been on our mind lately? Here are some questions that we may have echoing in our mind from time to time:

Question: What did I do to deserve it?

Response: What does a little innocent child do to coerce another person, in particular an adult and/or authority figure, to sexually abuse them?

Answer: Absolutely nothing. They are a child. They do not know any better. Only what they were taught. If they were taught wrong, how can they know that the act that is being taught to them by this person was wrong and even if they felt it was wrong how could they know and how could they feel it right to say no to the trusted adult or family member?


Statement: Maybe I led them on.

Response: Oh my goodness. Is that what we believe? Did we physically go up to our abuser and say "Please hurt me" or "Please touch me to where I feel uncomfortable?"

The Answer: Is obviously ... Not.


Statement: I must have deserved it.

Response: Does a child deserve to be made uncomfortable and even hurt by another person, in particular an adult and/or authority figure in their life that they were taught to trust and obey? Does any child deserve the hurt and pain that it causes when it happens and even years after it happened? Does the same child, (now an adult) deserve to endure such pain and anguish for years due to the choices of others?

The Answer: Is ... No.


Statement: I could have stopped it.

Response: As a child, we are taught to obey our parents, and any adults in our lives and even our older siblings. They are older than us. They are our family ... They must be right. It's what we learned as children. So, when something begins to happen at a young age, and the child doesn't know it is wrong, or even if they do ... How can they stop it? How can such a fragile little soul stand up to someone that is so much older, stronger and supposed to love you and say ...

No. This isn't right.

In some situations, the victim fears the abuser may use more force if they try to stop them. So why tempt it? They live in fear that what is happening could become worse. They feel like they can't challenge the abuser.

The Answer is ... No.

Incest Survivor Song
Surviving Incest Shame Lyrics

Here's a story I heard one time. About a girl who felt like what happened was her fault. She never knew the way out.

Story of Beauty
by Destiny's Child

Chorus
Please dry your eyes young girl, don't cry you're beautiful
It's not your fault young girl, don't cry you're beautiful
You're not the one to blame
Soon it will be okay, One day you'll realize your beauty

It was a Saturday this cold afternoon
Inside this house there lived a frightened young girl
She didn't know what she should do,
Cuz she missed her mother so
She was left home all alone with her step-father

Chorus

He touched her places that he shouldn't have touched
He did some things to her that he shouldn't have done
Then she ran into her room, paged her mother 9-1-1,
And the tragedy began for this young girl
She told her mother, her family, and friends
No one believed her cuz before this happened,
She was filled with hate and anger, Towards her step-father,
Cuz he took her mother from her when they married

Chorus

Bridge
She looked for her father in the men that she saw in,
Thought that all she had to offer was her body,
No one could figure out why this young girl would live her life,
In such pain and unhappiness cuz she was so beautiful
She rebelled and one day the young girl fell in love with another man like her step-dad

He abused her emotionally
and made her feel like she was worthless
I hope one day she realizes, And sees the beauty in her eyes,
All she needs is prayer and strength cuz she's beautiful

Chorus 2x

Hey ... We are beautiful. No matter what anyone says, does or makes us feel (even us). We are beautiful !!!

Making better sense now? We are not alone in this darkness are we?

Question: Why me?

Response: That is a question millions of souls are asking and since these millions of souls are screaming out that same question ... It reveals that it is not just you. This affliction did not single you out. It is a plague of the mind and heart that is affecting many other souls as well.

The antidote for this plague is Truth.

Truth will set you free!

Check out this upcoming billboard:

No way !!!

Those statistics are shocking:

Incest Survivor Survey
Surviving Incest Shame Stats

Did You Know:

  • 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
  • 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
  • 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
  • Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults occur to children ages 17 and under.
  • An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.
  • Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious.
  • Many children do not report that they have been abused.
  • Most children don't tell even if they have been asked.
  • Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to anyone.
  • Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing.
  • Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
  • Young victims may not recognize their victimization as being sexual abuse.

Questions:
How could God sit there and just watch as all this goes on?
How could He not step in when I was screaming for Him?
How could He allow all that was taken from me? How is that okay?
God is supposed to be a God of love. A God of protection.
A God of hope and trust and comfort and peace. Not of pain.
God could have stopped it if He wanted to.

Response: Let's take this little detour as to try and get a new perspective on this very important question. All you need to do right now is kick back and take in the scenery. This road still leads us to where we are going and will not take that long at all.

Instead of just thinking about how God is to blame all of the time and holding it inside of us, let's get it all out in the open and replace it with the Truth.

Have you ever seen puppets or marionettes (those puppets held by strings)? They are completely controlled by whoever is holding the strings. They have no life unless the master decides he wants to play.

That seems to be the way most people see God as being. Some sort of Puppet Master. Well ... God doesn't work like that at all.

God gave every one of us what is called free will. Click on the link below and see what I mean by free will, then when you come back, we will be back on the road we need to be on.

Incest Survivor Helping Hand
Surviving Incest Shame Manual

Free will is the ability to choose. A choice to do right or wrong. This free will is given to every soul, including those who make horrible choices and become predators and abusers.

That does not mean God isn't there to hold us and heal us after we encounter those who used free will to harm us.

The great news is ... God can take something broken and shattered and make a masterpiece out of it. In fact ... That is exactly who God chooses.

1 Corinthians 1:26-28

26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

Just wait and see. God has huge plans for you.

We both know ... We hate what happened. We both know ... It shouldn't have happened. But it did. There is nothing we can do now to change it.

But We Can Overcome It

We must choose to learn how to control those constant negative thoughts of the experience and resulting emotions or it will eat us alive like a cancer. If we do not use our own free will and choose to overcome, we will live in a confused, catatonic and angered state of mind and heart for the rest of our lives.

We must choose to learn to forgive, not for the sake of the abuser, but for us. Our LORD commanded us to forgive or we can not be forgiven ourselves.

Mark 11:25-26

25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought [anything] against any: that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in Heaven forgive your trespasses.

Incest Survivor Questions
Surviving Incest Shame Answers

Did you catch that? If you have anything against anyone. Forgive all or you won't be forgiven. Sorry, there are no levels for the word anything. Anything means any thing.

The word "anything" doesn't give us room to suggest that the amount of times that we were hurt or the intensity of the sin committed against us, allows us to hold the anger and hate, which is in Truth ... A vicious plague within us.

By forgiving, it does not excuse what happened ... But, it tells us that we are no longer allowing it to control our lives. We are stronger than that. We should not choose to continue living in this state of hate, anger and pain ... We are leaving it behind.

You might be thinking ... "Okay, fine. I'll forgive, but there's no way I'll forget what happened." Of course you will never forget. Forgiving and forgetting are two completely different things.

Jesus did ask us to forgive all others so that we too could be forgiven for our own sins ... But for us to completely forget what was experienced, as if it never happened, prevents us from learning from it.

To be honest, most people will never forget what happened to them. That's not necessarily a bad thing though ... If they use it wisely. We are able to learn from what occurred, so that we can avoid placing ourselves in the same situation which protects us in the future.

However ... If one uses the inability to forget as a way to constantly relive the abuse, over and over again in their mind ... This will result in their their mind and spirit being forever encaged by what took place. No, that does not sound like something we want, does it?

We Want to be Free !!!

To do so ... We are taught to look forward and not backward.

Philippians 3:13

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before ...

Incest Survivor Process
Surviving Incest Shame Plan

We are taught to look forward in hope. But ... We definitely never have to forget what happened or trust our abuser again.

Ohhh, I like this song coming on the radio ... Let's turn it up for a minute and listen together.

Damaged
by Plumb

Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairy-tale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away

Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Won't let anyone get close to me
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

There's only for my soul
And undo this fear
Forgiveness for a man
Who was stronger
I was just a little *child*
But I can't look back
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Can't go back ...
Can't go back ...
Can't go back ...
Can't go back ...
I can't go back ...
I can't go back ...
I can't go back ...

I must go on ...
I must go on ...
I must go on ...
I must go on ...
I must go on ...
I must go on ...
I must go on ...

Cool song. I like the ending. Just like our trip that we are on. We have to keep going on. We have to stop looking back and keep looking forward.

I have an idea !!! Let's take down the rear view mirror. And the side mirrors while we are at it. So we are not continually tempted to look back. We are headed one way remember? We have one focus. Remember what it is?

Become an Incest Survivor
Surviving Incest Shame Tips

We are looking for this sign:

Entering the State of Freedom

We will get there. One day at a time. We are on the right road.

Hey, do we pray correctly? Random thought, but it just came to mind. Prayer is much different than many think. It is not talking to some far off deity ... It is more like how we are talking right now. Like talking with a friend or Father.

That's what prayer is all about.

It's not only about "God give me this and that." But also letting Him know how we feel and that we may be confused. Talk normally to Him, like we are doing. We can ask Him questions. Tell Him about our day. The good and the bad stuff. Ask Him to heal us.

Jeremiah 17:14

Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

All we have to do is ask.

Matthew 7:7-8

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Incest Survivor Promise
Surviving Incest Vow

Wow ... Quite a promise huh? But, will it work for us? I mean, we are pretty messed up. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, well let's look at it this way ... What do we have to lose except the negative thoughts and resulting emotions which have us living in darkness and pain?

Let's pull over and rest for a little while. We made some progress and had a pretty good talk today. Since we have some down time right now, let's journal. Remember when we talked about journaling? I want to encourage us to write. Write about anything on our mind, anything that stood out to us today, whether it be a song, a verse, a story, a sign, a thought, or something that was said.

Whatever ... Maybe write a letter to God. Let Him know where we are headed and what we want to become.

Let's meet up tomorrow at Day 2 of this

Incest Survivor journey. We will be driving thru a new State of Mind. Remember, we aren't staying here, just stopping for the day.

Know who I am yet?

We are so very much closer than you know.

Until we meet tomorrow ... I brought along some reading material for us while we continue surviving incest.

See you soon.

*Be sure to save this Surviving Incest Shame page* to your favorites if you have not saved the forum page so you can return when you're ready for the next Day, and may God's Grace and blessings be with you, every day of your life.

Quest for Blest Rest From Incest - Day 1

You can reread this Surviving Incest page at any time and as many times as you like, But please choose not to go on to the next step until tomorrow.

Continuing in each step daily is so very important.

Go back over each Incest Survivor page often to be sure you have not missed anything.

If you have any questions about the program, you can contact us at:

Christianity Oasis

To continue our Quest for Blest Rest From Incest program, you can return tomorrow to this page and choose Day 2 below. You may also find each Day's links on the home page:

I'll meet you there!


Quest for Blest Rest From Incest - Days to Healing

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Quest for Blest Rest From Incest - Home Page
A Note to the Bystander
Warning to the Predator

Important!

Note: If you are under the care of a physician, or if you are taking needed prescription medication for any reason ... Please do not discontinue to do so unless you have specific written orders from your personal physician.

Jesus made this statement:

Luke 5:31

They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick.

This Scripture clearly suggests that even though Jesus was using an analogy of a human physician to reveal that He is the healer of the soul ... Jesus acknowledged that there were human physicians needed for the body at times when our body becomes sick. God works thru the hands of many physicians. Just as God's Spirit will work thru this free Christian counseling online program to heal your mind, soul and refresh your spirit with God's Grace.

If you have any questions, comments or just want to share thoughts, just email us at: Christianity Oasis

Are you seeking true incest victims healing?