Calling

[rockyrun34]

Hi

I am thankful to be moving into this study and to have another 14 days to understand what I am suppose to do. I cannot believe how different I feel even after 14 days. I must slowly absorb all of the scripture, but I believe God has me on the Fast Track to 'preparedness'. I know that the spirit has DEFINITELY led me to Oasis, to begin the next chapter - stage of my life.

Now, I have absolutely no doubt why my life literally 'blew up' 6 months ago, and why two and a half months ago, I felt God calling me to completely start over. It's amazing what happened when I listened to this, "Step aside, and OBEY, I'm leading you out". He was disciplining me, but loving me at the same time. I remember the morning it happened. I started packing my belongings, crying, got the cat ready, and within 10 weeks, I was out. I left everyone/everything behind. It's like I entered a witness protection program run by God!!!!!!

I am feeling the Holy Spirit calling me to a particular goal, which I cannot mention. I believe that I need to lay low, finish some things over the next year, and begin to embark. It's in direct response to witnessing and experiencing the silencing over the last few years. I now know that this silencing was truly in opposition to God. I just do not know how God will lead me to do it financially. I must trust Him. God has given me certain gifts and I need to use these to express the pain and suffering.

Gotta keep moving!!!!



RR

[mlg]

Hey Rockyrun sis, so proud of you for taking the next pathway. Your gonna love this path as well.

Hey sis, I must confess, I was telling someone yesterday that God was planning to use you in a huge way...I just feel it. He is preparing you to have you step out and work in His ministry...I just can't wait to see what happens.

Yes you packed up and left things behind...but look at how God is opening new doors for you. It only gets better from here.

luv ya

[deetu]

Oh rocky, sweet rocky, reading your posts, talking in chat, you can see the difference in you!

It's great when you finally understand and embrace what God has planned for you, isn't it?
I remember saying "Lord, you don't want me... you want my sister, someone else...." But He believed in me, put me through a tough walk and now trusts me to be faithful. And I'm having a great time.

You will enjoy this study. I am looking forward to going through it with you.

[rockyrun34]

Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:37 pm Post subject: Dear Jesus
Oh Father,

I don't want to doubt. I don't want to second guess that You are calling me to something else. Maybe I think I deserve less than your love. This stuff, this crap I am in now - this is what I am use to.

Today, I took out on foot, cancelled my rental car. I cannot get behind the wheel. How symbolic, huh? My car was just another worldly security, really. Now, I am on foot, naked, vulnerable to the world. Upon leaving the apartment, I tasted death - the enemy. Oh Lord, You created this earth, and how disgusting it felt to walk outside in your wonderful creation. I felt the enemy. Men whistling, yelling obscenities at me, the air, saturated with that raw grainy taste of the deployed airbag, the stench of oil leaking from an engine. How this world has forsaken you - this hurts. I want to go somewhere else. But You are calling me to live here for now. Sometimes, I wish I was not so conscious, so aware of the enemy - so familiar with his presence.

But slowly You come back to me. The voices of the officers yesterday - so calm, gentle, and so masculine. It's what I imagine You to be like. The kindness of the adjuster today. The gentle voices from Oasis. Knowing that my girlfriends are coming down to see me this weekend. My best friend asking me if I need food. My roommate bringing me hot chocolate last night. The strong presence of the Feminine, surrounding and protecting me, the Holy Spirit.

It makes me in awe of the polarization that has always been there, created by a fallen angel who just wanted distance from You. Why would he want such a thing? I don't want it. I don't want distance or be away from You again. It's almost impossible, now not to see how wretched he is and how Holy You are. People are not evil, the enemy is and uses people and things just like You want to use me.

My dream - to write, is solidifying, more and more. I just didn't think it would be like this. Please provide for me, even in the face of all this adversity that beckons me to fail. I long for your miracles

[rockyrun34]

I now know that my car accident was from the enemy. I pray for healing, safety for the other two involved (and me). I think this might had been the end for me, if I God had not been led to Oasis, or brought me a roommate.

Or God knew the enemy was going to try to attack me in this way - in my worldly freedom (accident free, good driver, a car), so that I might be discouraged.

On earth, it closes so many doors yet again. I still have not heard from my adjuster but my gut tells me that my car is gone. I am thankful that mine was the worst one.

Oh God I cry out, not knowing what is next? Only You know where I am suppose to be. How will this effect my calling? How will I accomplish what You want me to do? I have tried to stay so faithful. It just hurts how evil the enemy is. It's just plain evil, and totally disgusts me. I don't like cowards. That's all he is. You are so powerful and wonderful, that's why he attacks those who want to spread Your word. I'm about to, and that's why this happened.

Someone told me, now more than ever, I need to armor myself for the day, in my dreams, when I walk outside. The world contains things that the enemy uses - People, things, accidents, death, disability. It's not where I want to rest my comfort. My comfort only comes from You Lord. This life is so temporary.

I pray for the strength Lord, to get me where I need to be. Because more than ever, if You have a job for me, the circumstances will have to be a miracle.

"I praise you in this storm". "You never left me side. "you know my heart is torn. I'll praise you in this storm"

RR

[Dora]

Yes Rocky God did know all these things were going to happen to you. You did not go unnoticed. He was there with you and can work even this to bring good to you and others.

The enemy is evil. Don't give him the glory of even taking notice. Focus on Jesus instead of him. God is good. Amen.

I am lifting you in prayers as well rocky.

God bless you.

[rockyrun34]

Dear Father,

I praise You because I witness these small miracles in this crazy ride You have me on. What a blessing you were to me, yesterday. I finally feel your total and complete protection. Although the enemy threw me a curve ball by allowing my car to be 'officially' totalled yesterday, You spoke to me. And, although the enemy used this to try and get me, you whispered to me, "My daughter I love you". And You showed me......

You were there when the adjuster told me I was going to make money off the car. You were there when the adjuster expressed shock that my passenger bag went off, and the driver side did not. You were there when he told me that I would have had sustained severe tissue damage and chest injuries if my air bag would have went off. You were there when a lonely widower helped me empty out the car in the Junk yard, and He also an EMT who assessed my neck pain. You were in my roommate's boyfriend telling me he would keep an eye out for a cheap vehicle for me.

And none of these men wanted anything from me. They just cared, because You care. These are your angels. I prayed in my car, took one look at it, turned around, and got out of there. I am suppose to keep moving. I'm ready. Please lead me where you want me. I am not to dwell, because You have more for me. I am just getting started.




RR

[rockyrun34]

The Wheel

I fought for control of it for ten years. Look at the mess I created by not listening to Your loving sweet voice. So ironic, how at the end of my straying, I finally wreck my car. As early on as a small girl, you were protecting me. Even though I was born into what looked like just a poor family, I was an orphan of sorts. Everyone hated me, but You loved me. I had loving grandparents that were kept from me. But I know they were there with You praying for me, and that is really how I came back.

Ten years ago it was You who provided me with a choice to remain single, follow You and stay where I was. Instead I chose to leave for one bad choice after the next. You must be praised, because You have forgiven me, and I am still alive and You protected me through all of this. It's all clear, now. The Blessing - I see how evil can surround and swallow me, when I choose to take control. I am now able to discern what is going on and sometimes, I am so conscious it hurts, makes my stomach turn, at how the enemy tried to destroyed my faith......

But I am with You again and that is all that matters.

[Dora]

Amen

What a beautiful father daughter relationship you have.
And so much more to come.
It blesses my heart to see this.

Sending up a prayer for you rocky.

God loves you and so do I!

[mlg]

Rockyrun,

I see glory to God in all of your recent posts here. I know that the accident must have seem terrible at the time, but I see how God has moved in and around you during and after the accident.

His love for His children is truly amazing. He will be there to protect and comfort you, as long as you believe in Him.

luv ya sis

[deetu]

And you can use this experience to tell others about how God kept you protected when things seemed really down.
You can use this experience to be able to talk to others who have experienced the same hurts, insults, and blessings, glory.

It's amazing, Holy Spirit High. Such a great teacher, counselor and friend.
Thank you Jesus

[rockyrun34]

Step 5.

"Answering the calling may mean that you may not be able to maintain the accommodations in life that you're used to".

Hmmmm. So ok, this study and timing was so meant for me.

I feel so clear, now, on these life changes over the last 6-12 months. God was calling me into another life. My past life was not fully answering His calling for my life. Although I was helping others in my career and profession, it was not fully what God wanted for me. But, He has equipped me with and allowed me the experiences of the past to further my calling.

I've always felt that every experience I have had, will be used. But I am embarking on a new phase. I guess before, I was thinking small - The more I lost, the smaller I thought. Because that is what the world teaches, "How r you gonna work, without a car? Renting is throwing away your money. Look at your age, and you want a roommate? How will you eat, or live without a job".

But, what if, the more I lost, the clearer things became; bigger I started to dream, the bigger the plans became. Those things which were given by the world, have faded away. Or how bout this - God just eliminated two major debts that I had to the world and Him - Home and Car. How Freeing. This is why God calls Christians not to listen to the talk of the world, but to always listen to what the He is saying. It is so much healthier and better than the advice the world will offer us.

"The voice of Truth tells me a different story. The voice of Truth - says do not be afraid". "And the voice of Truth says this is for my Glory" "Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth" Casting Crowns......

I wrote seven pages yesterday. I know now, my best plan during this preparation time is to continue my two writing projects, and put ear muffs on when I hear the nonsense the world tries to feed me.