Called? Or Coo Coo?

[Dora]

To those of you that respond to my title with a Yes You may just be closer to the truth than I'll admit.

I did this study a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. Over a year. Just the other day someone I deem a friend suggested I do it again as I missed something.

I think when I did the study I was in denial that I had any issues and boy did I have issues. All I remember about this study is that it bought up some memories that I wasn't ready to face. So I think I shut off and missed a lot due to that.

Am I called. If called is that desire inside that drives you, the one you wake up thinking about, the one you can't go to sleep at night thinking about, the one that your mind keeps going back to through out the day, no matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, then yes. I am called.

I can only trust he knows what he's doing by calling me. Cause I didn't get a good foundation placed under me as a child. He's build my house on the few small pieces of cracked foundation that was layed by a Grandmother when I was very young, a pastor who wouldn't give up on me, a sunday school teacher who loved me and chose to continue trying to teach me despise my inability to follow the rules.

I think God enjoys having a challenge placed before him.

I keep asking myself if I came here to MCFC because God wants me to do this study again or because a friend encouraged me to or because I have found myself with a ton more time on my hands. Not sure what the answer is, I think I'll discover that one as I go along.

I started the study yesterday. I gave it a very feeble attempt to say the least.

I can relate to Peter. Leaving home to follow Jesus. Being a wife and a mother, I have responsabilities or I will neglect my family. Often I struggle with where am I to serve. There with them or here where I'm called. Finding that balance is difficult. I do have a very understanding family who seems to have a word on their spirits from the Lord to allow me to do my work here. At the same time I must becareful as I could give everthing to my calling and leave these ones feeling as if they've lost their mother and wife. Not only that but I have a job that I have expectations as to how much to give to it. The enemy is always nagging at me to give to one or the other. If I'm giving to one he is nagging I should be giving to another. I need to listen to God in this constantly and give according to his word, and not the whispers in my ear as they cause me such anxiety.

I know mlg is bored so I'll post this and give her something to do.
Besides if I put down all my thoughts I may just complete a 12 chapter book.

[mlg]

my sister I love you so...and thank you for obliging me with something to do

Well let me say something quickly...I truly believe I know one of your callings is to work with the hurting souls. Whether they be lost or saved...you have a heart of compassion to reach them and teach them the Truth of freedom that binds them.

You are called sis. I find it so wonderful how God has you at home so you can be here in His pasture daily. He has a love for you, and He knows you are watching always, like me. It's just instinct to watch over the sheep, to make sure they are safe, to make sure they are fed, and most of all to make sure they are loved.

You are going to do well with this study.

luv ya sis

[Dora]

It's just instinct to watch over the sheep

Uh hu. So I'm struggling with pride and frustration as I seek to accept HIS will and not my own.

I feel the darkness though I live in the light. Not because I get PULLED into the darkness, though at times that is the case as I allow the enemy to pull me back, but I get drawn back when I feel another hurting. As if God says to mme, Remember this? Now reach my child.

Other times I feel things I have never dealt with before. Scary at times! I'm learning to go with it and not carry guilt as it is God who allows me to fall into a new struggle so I can feel what they feel, so I can relate and reach them.

It's ugly at times. It's lonely there in the darkness. It's a comfort to know all I have to do is turn around and there's Dad! Ready to pull me out if it gets to ugly and I fall while I'm reaching for his child.

His goodness brings me to tears.

I set here sulking today and even during my selfish pride and pitty party he's speaking to me. Drawing my eyes, drawing my ears, drawing my mind. It's a beautiful thing.

[mlg]

He did the same to me sis, just yesterday...I could feel His presence in my pain...isn't it awesome how He is so faithful?

As for the darkness...I think those of us who sat in darkness for so long are often more tuned in to listening to the cries of those who are where we were....interesting how He uses what happened to us, to reach others.

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

u know what gals?


i struggle with this too.

so sis u are not alone, i struggle with which do i put first and balance balance balance.

i love being here on oasis and serving my King, and yes my kids do feel like they somewhat lost their mom a lil bit.

where is the line?

does there have to be a line?

i have such a desire to be here and search and help these souls but am i neglecting my own He has entrusted to me.

I struggle with balance pine, so u are not alone , not by far in that aspect.

sis u know what else?

u are definatley called, and you be a willing vessel to serve Him when i needed a friend or a partner prayer or an accountability partner guess who was ther for me, that wonderful sis of mine . You have let Him make a huge impact on my life through you and that i will ever be grateful for. I know He will take to you to even greater heights as you search out more of a greater calling for Him. Expect Much and i cant wait to see what Hes leading you to.

Gbu sis
♥Jill

[deetu]

[Dora]

Aww Thank you all!

Wow it sure does spur one on to continue forward when you get a few responses.

Day #2 Character is mentioned. I see a lot of good characteristics in me that shine here at Oasis but can lack in my response to my community.

I have a question. In Prov 31 this woman got up when it was still dark. I use to get up at 4:30-5:30 and spend an hour or more with the Lord. After child number 3 came along, I've never seemed to be able to get enough sleep. And then I get a headache during the day. Just seems like I need more sleep than I want to dedicate to it as it's waisting time that could be spent, with the Lord or doing his work. But with these headaches from needing sleep I can't accomplish the Lords work anyhow. This morning I was up at 7 as I stayed up late. How do you find a quiet time where you are not interupted a gazillion times? People say to get up earlier, which I use to but I get headaches now if I do. When my kids are in school I get up at 6-6:30 and I got a headache everyday from noon to 3pm. With all the interuptions I've had today it's taken me almost an hour and I'm not through the study yet.

The things that distract me are not worldly thing, but people. Precious people that God has given me as gifts. People I love so dearly and have laid down my life for.

[mlg]

Sis the only free time we usually have is time when the children are gone are asleep. I mean in all honesty that is just how it is. I find my quiet time with God is in the morning before I go to work, or as I'm on my way to work as I have an hour drive. Is there any downtime in your schedule during the day? Maybe when the little ones take a nap? This might be the best time for God time.

Sis I see many things the Lord is doing through you as well here at the Oasis. Keep at it.

luv ya

[Dora]

It's not kids, it's the big people!

I do get time with him and in the word through out the day. Usually 10-15 min at a time. On the playground, I take my bible, or a study, or a journal to journal my thoughts with the Lord.

In the car when cubby is driving I often have my bible and use that time talking to the Lord. And sometimes Cubby wants me to talk to him. How dare he! Balance. Balance. Balance.

My miracle grow chart consists of a Proverb, A psalm, An old testiment scripture and a new testiment scripture. I have an intense study I'm doing through my church right now. It takes a lot of time and a lot of seeking, thinking, and listening. I feel I've not been able to give my all to it at this time, yet when I compair to the other 12 women in the study I'm ahead of them. But I don't want to compair to them, but to follow what he has for me.

I need to learn to listen more in where he wants me to spend every moment.

[deetu]

Ooorr, maybe you should take a short nap during the day. Turn off the phone and an hour later, you will be refreshed enough to do the things you need to do. Think about it, are you able to get the stuff done with a headache?

Pine, do you eat breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Sometimes what you eat, or don't eat can give you a headache.
I found out when I was testing my son that I was also allergic to milk. As a teen I would have Carnation Instant Breakfast made from a big glass of milk and an ice cream sandwich for lunch. No wonder I didn't do well in school.

I also talk to God throughout the day but I know that He likes it best when I sing and worship Him. Which, unfortunately I don't always take the time to do.

[mlg]

Pine you may have to give up something that you are doing to spend more time with the Lord. It's essential that we grow with God, otherwise we nourish others but not ourselves...thus resulting in burnout. I spent part of the morning this morning reading 2 Chapters of Scripture, then listening 2 a devotional on the way to work as well as Christian music. Just starts my day off right.

Find the balance pine. If you can not do something then do so...and spend time with God.

luv ya

[Dora]

That's just it, what is there to cut out?
I don't watch tv.
I don't read books unless they are bible study books.
I use to study on herbs and natural health, which I haven't done in months, but am praying over his will in this with me.
I walk for exercise a few times a week.
I don't spend time daily playing online games very often at all.
I don't spend much time in other areas of the internet.
I don't even check my email but once every 3 days or so. Trying to get better at this as there are times I get important email.
I don't read magazines.
I don't talk on the phone much.
I don't spend time on things like puzzles or other such things that have no meaning to Gods kingdom.
I'm often told I need to find things I do that are down time.
I take my kids to the beach, while there, I'm speaking to God.
I take my family camping a few times a year, while there I have my bible, study books, and I'm speaking to God. This is the only thing in my life where I am not doing something for someone else and I can actually rest.
I have hobbies.
My rose garden. It takes very little time to keep up.
I have fruits and vedgetables and they take very little time to tend to.
I sew, always for someone else.
I've begun to try to get back into drawing and painting because after all it's a gift God gave me. During these times, I'm speaking to God. I am trying to learn the guitar, but I can't find much time for it.
I started a facebook account months ago and use it to minister to my community.
I have a cyber garden on there. My ONLY thing that is just about me, and has absolutely no kingdom value. I played a game on face book. One game. I've not played it since Friday. And I hadn't played it before 2 weeks ago.
I take time out to play with my kids. Not enough.
What's left to remove is sleep. Which I get headaches if I do.
The first thing I do when I wake up is spend 30 min to an hour with the Lord. It's always about me and him. It's not about lifting others up, unless I feel him lead me there. It's ususally about just me and him. Daddy daughter time. This is my most valued time of the day.

I will call my eye doctor and get my presciption filled to see if this helps with the headaches. It's possable I'm straining my eyes so much I need the extra rest?

luv ya
Thanks for the responses.