my MCFC blog

[mlg]

Goldie, I know how you feel sis. When I first became a supervisor it was so hard for me to let others do things, because I felt their actions were a direct reflection of my supervision. I've come to find now that when I ask someone to do something, to allow them time to do the work, and if they don't do it satisfactorily, then I ask them what is taking them so long and if they need some help getting it done. I've found asking them if they need help works a lot better than getting upset, and also will bring out a better response in them, because they feel like you aren't trying to take over, but are trying to help them get finished. Try that next time sis

Goldie, I'm glad you went to the doctor, and did what you needed to do. See God knew what you needed, and hope you begin to feel better on the new meds soon.

Sis, I must say your already on day 8...wow over half way through the steps. He is so very proud of you. Your doing great...keep on sis...just a few more to go.

luv ya

[deetu]

Yea, I have a problem with judging too. I know it's particularly bad when I am with my husband and his family. They will just start talking about this person or that and I just listen in and sometimes join in. Then later I'm repenting and apologizing to the Lord but next time I'm with the family, there I go again.
sigh...

[Tam]

Making progress Godlie....keep pressing in you are almost done sister.
Proud of you
Love ya
Tam

[Dora]

Goldie I want to Amen what others have said.

Don't you hate the way the spirit feels inside when you are under this judgement.

Letting go actually frees you as much or more than it frees them.

You're seeing and feeling Goldie. You will get there. Where? To the place where others actions don't upset your spirit as much.

Love ya sis.

BTW congradulations! You have done so well at continuing this.

[xxJILLxx]

you are doing a n excellent job sis!


keep up the good work!

love ya sis

♥Jill

[comfy]

Yea, I have a problem with judging too. I know it's particularly bad when I am with my husband and his family. They will just start talking about this person or that and I just listen in and sometimes join in. Then later I'm repenting and apologizing to the Lord but next time I'm with the family, there I go again.
sigh...

Well, in my *mind* I can be so criticizing people and having my perceptions I am feeding on. But I was blessed with this > God can straighten people out, better than I can This has helped a lot > to first be caring about people when I think of them, and have hope for them to do better; and instead of criticizing them, realize that how I can judge and expect them to do better is just not as good as God can see them and change them to do better; so I need to just get into caring about them in prayer . . . trusting them to God . . .

When I first became a supervisor it was so haard for me to let others do things, because I felt their actions were a direct reflection of my supervision."

There is a guy I help, at times, with his church's activities. There were times when he would tell me not to do something a certain way that I was doing it, and I was sure it did not make a real difference if I did something his way or the way I was doing it > I got the impression he was telling me what to do, just so he could be giving orders. Not to mention . . . there were times he would mess up, and I knew how to do something better, I thought. Then I got the realization that someone in charge may need to give specific orders, so he or she will know what is going on because we are doing it that way. In any case, I would say our relating has gotten better, including because God has been making me better in relating in love and being positive and encouraging.

Goldie . . . if you're talking about how team members are supposed to do medication management right > that is really messy that someone could do it wrong, after being told what to do. Maybe not the same thing > I was volunteering in a nursing home, and I overheard a supervisor talking with a unit nurse. She did not tell her all the exact details of what to do, but simply explained what they wanted to accomplish. I could understand the super trusted the nurse was competent enough to know how to do the details. But if you have someone who does not know how to do something, and fails to follow directions when explained clearly . . . and/or is not reliable . . . well . . . I remember once how I was a blooper, and the nurse would be all over my case, and this was emotionally distracting so I possibly was more confused. I'd say, if you have a doggie that is dumb . . . you either be calm and train that little critter, and stay nice and kind so it gets a good personality . . . or get another doggie ? ? ? (o:

At least you have people with you so you can learn how to love. This is a basic need I think we have. I needed to have my impossible mother to live with, for ten years with almost not one day away from her. It gave me a chance to be tested . . . so I could see how I needed You, LORD, to correct me and improve me in loving (o: Thank You (o: We need to have ones who can get the better of us, to find our weak spots, so we can see we need not to boast how great we are . . . like I was doing, until I was with Mommy for a while So, if you're married to someone who is an oh-oh, this can give you someone with whom you can learn to really love

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray,
since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls;
though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved."
(2 Corinthians 12:15)

If anyone can get your goat,
you need to get that goat
. . . . o-u-t of you,
so no one can get it
and get the Lamb of God in there, instead.

I don't mean you don't have Jesus, but we need to grow more in Jesus. I think you've been good about honesty. And when I've had a problem with people so they could get me in a rage, it has worked well to wait until God has me quiet and in peace, then get into caring about the problem people, and be more positive and ready to be their friend by being even cheerful and encouraging to help them, mainly caring about them, and not mainly to just try to get them to do what I want.

[goldieluvs]

ty all for the encouragement. Comfy some good suggestions, ty bro.
K Step 10. Feed my sheep........ OUCH! Talk about being convicted. Ok confession time. Not many people know this that i know of, but i was goin thru some stuff past few days, was running away. Feeling unable to do wat God called me to do. Cuz well, my brain just ain't working quite right. If it hadn't been for O's persistance and patiently pointing out things to me, I would've been gone. So, with a renewed sense of the responsibility and understanding that even if I am NOT right in the head that i can still maybe help someone else if I let go and let God, i will continue to do wat God has called me to do. I just i obtain peace before responding sometimes as opposed to opening mouth and inserting my foot....

[mlg]

goldie, God is so very proud of you sis. Getting up and getting back to it, reaching out to those who need you here. So many go through what you do sis, and they just need to know they are not alone. Even if words don't seem to come some days, just a hug from you will go a long way for them. They will know you care.

God is smiling on you sis. Feed His sheep.

luv ya so much sis

[comfy]

"Let brotherly love continue." (Hebrews 13:1)

[goldieluvs]

ty mlg and comfy.

step 11 discernment. wow well unlike Job, i think recently i been more like Jonah, running trying to hide (didn't work)
There was a time when i was angry with God. So very angry. Not anymore. Those times are gone now. Even when bad things happen, i am not mad at God ( or at least haven't been up to this point). I get mad at myself, as in i should be able to do this. But maybe i am not leaning on God enuf.

Renewing my mind... well.... that one is a lil tougher for me. Cuz well, my mind don't always work right. Its kinda hard to explain mental health issues. Oftentimes your thought processes are not how they normally would be. The symptoms of bipolar disorder are somewhat difficult to manage, i will not go into those here, will post those in the coping with mental illness forum. I am not mad at God for having this disorder, though sometimes it hits hard and i lose sight. Haven't quite figured out how to renew my mind when my mind is wat is affected with bipolar.

Looking back on my posts, i realize that sometimes i just gave "worldly" comments. For that i sincerely apologize. God first. Perhaps the biggest thing when reaching for others is meeting people where they are, cuz that is wat Jesus did. Only He loves us enuf to not keep us there. Else how would ya bear fruit?

So maybe just maybe it is ok to give some practical suggestions but include God as well? I dunno. Input on that would be appreciated.

[mlg]

Of course sis, God puts us in the world but not for us to be of it. But, God knows what worldly things we can put to use in His quest for us. So, use what He brings to you.

Sis, I'm so glad to see you back on this journey. Step 11 already...wow just a few more and you will be finished with the steps

Now let's talk a bit about the renewing of your mind. This will take work for you sis, and will probably be a little harder for you than it will be for most as you do suffer from bipolar. But, just know that with God all things are possible, and keep working at it. Don't get down if you can't renew your mind right away....just let go and try again when you feel you can.

luv ya sis

[comfy]

Well, Goldie > you are doing much better, not being angry at God. And being angry at yourself . . . well, you might be reason for anger, if you have done things wrong; but we don't want to just keep on being angry > this can be a way of keeping ourselves from doing what we need to do to do better. And so *that* kind of anger would not be God's way of anger.

"for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (James 1:20)

So, *when* I fail > I can just go rrrh about my failing, but then get right into being still and quiet for God to get me better . . . in His peace. I can not trust any thinking and stinking that I may be doing while I am stewing about my own failure or I'm putting down other people. I need to get in God's peace, then discover how He has me positive and with hope to do better, and seeing how He has me caring about others who I was criticizing and putting down.

Not to ever stay committed to what I was feeling and thinking and deciding while I was negative and nasty and down on myself and other people. As soon as I calm down, let that just go > that was the devil's stupidity, I understand; so I am not obligated to how I was thinking while I was stinking

If you got nasty on yourself, that's over. Now start fresh. Flush what doesn't belong in us > rather than hold it in until it bursts out > use the toilet > flush, as God makes us able. Nor should I express and take out things on others > flush. Let the living waters of the Holy Spirit come in, instead.

But many of us are saying, yeah that has not worked. Me, too. But it says to confess our failures to God, and trust Him to make us do better; it's very embarrassing and a shame and scary how I keep on failing, but >

"casting all your care upon Him,
. . . . .for He cares for you." ( 1 Peter 5:7)

This failure of mine is a care. How I know better so there's no excuse > this is a care, too > so, I cast this on God, but then understand He wants me to also have compassion on others inexcusable, as He has had mercy on me.

So, we gotta keep at it, keep flushing that toilet.

Oh yes . . . we have James 5:16 >

"Confess your trespasses to one another,
and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

Ah, so *this* is what produces the righteousness of God > mutual confession with mutual healing prayer to get us healed of what makes us able to sin and then suffer. So, yes we do have a part in this . . . doing this with God and with one another, not isolating ourselves in our own struggling and frustration.

In my case, I know it is the pleasure seeking stuff and criticizing people that gets me degraded from God so I can have my emotional problems. Immoral imagining is enough to get me away from God and His peace; then I am weak enough to get into paranoid nonsense. And, vice versa - - if I indulge myself in criticizing people and imagining how I can straighten them out . . . now I'm weak enough to give in to the pleasure temptations.

Another thing I did was watch hours of TV. I'd say this could have me down from God. Then I got into sharing on the Net with ladies, and I found I needed to devote myself to prayer and meditating on how I was relating with them in love or not. Very readily, I could see I could not be watching TV in the passive way I did, and stay alive in devoting to God and how He had me learning how to love with ones I knew on the Net and phone. Also . . . the dynamics of my relationships with these women who had been divorced and abused and were sharing with me about this and other things > this, for me a guy never married, was much more interesting than any action shows on TV It wasn't hard to stay away.

Even when one I fell for dumped me > there I was > there's the TV > but it was so better and more interesting relating with her > and if I trusted God, He would bring me to more and better than I had with her; so . . . uh-uh to the TV > not a hard choice, at all > I gave myself to Him, as well as I could, learned from how I *needed* to be dumped, and was eager to see how I could do better with others.

Being busy with our attention to loving > this can make it hard work for other thoughts and emotions to get the better of us > "I will not be brought under the power of any," Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12. Our emotions and reactions often are related to how we are under the power of people and things in this life. "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2)