Geselle's first journal on the road to Healing

[geselle]

Who is she

Who is this silent person on the inside
who is it that stands and hide from everything around
Who is it that cry in the midnight
and when people are around doesn't make I sound
Who is that person that said no
Yet even though she said no, things still happens
Who is she that is so silent
yet Silence Kills her very soul
Who is she that never talks
And never every makes a sound.
Loss in the dark of this midnight
Time stood still and darkness stand
If there be days then when will it come
Come and deliever from this deep dark dome
Come as a day with a light shining bright
to sweep throught this dark pit of night..
Who is this person so dark inside
Who is this person to whom there is no light..
who is she
That little girl on the inside
that little girl that knows no light.
that little girl crys all night
Who is she
That little girl that says good bye...
Who is she

[dema]

Come dance with me
Forget the night
Come dance with me
In the Jesus light
Come laugh with me
in pure delight
Come fly with me
to a crazy height
Come look with me
at a pleasant sight
Come sing with me
with all your might
Come talk with me
of good and right
Come dance with me
In the Jesus light

[Dora]

She is the inner child.

The spirit with in us.

The portion God longs to have with Him forever.

The pure, genuine, precious Child of God.

Was thinking of you today.

Praying for yo

[geselle]

silently dieing
that"s all I can say

[Dora]

Keep sharing. I'll keep praying.

[geselle]

Today was my second day see this counselor, for something I know I had to do.. It was reporting the incident I saw with my nephew and his mother... I had a very hard time reporting it because she is my sister, I don't want her to get in trouble, yet I don't want my nephew thinking it's ok for his mom to do those things to him. I decided to get help because as you can see , I was afraid and could not do it on my own.. I sat in her office today, and I made the phone call. She was right there with me as I did it..

I did it, I reported the abuse.. I felt sad, very sad and I kinda could not believe I just did that...Then I told her how I was feeling and we talked about it and she explained how it works and what will happen and I felt better about the issue and me having to report it...

It was good and safe to talk to a professional.. and I stood up for my nephew...

I reported it but not sure if anything will be done. Beside it's in another country..
I hope that if it happens again to my nephew, He will tell someone else and they would report it.
I also don't want my sister in trouble or she having to lose her children...
It is very difficult for me to talk about anything at all..
I said maybe about five sentences, She did most of the talking and I just listened... I have NO idea why it is soo hard for me to Talk to people, to express my feelings to say anything for that matter, It's just really hard. Weird about is I alway don't know what to say and I have nothing to say.. WHO DOES THAT?? only me.. Afraid to talk to people.. Like I think they are going to bit me... And in actuality I use to think people will bit me if I spoke to them, weird?? huhh.. I was SO afraid of what people would do or say to me that I believed it when someone said people will bit you, mean people are like dogs, they will bit your head off. Who tells a child that? A child who live in fair would take that literal and not thinking that it means the words or the way people act may be very hurtful but yeah we spend most of the time with her talking and I listening to the what she was saying and explaining what just happened when I made the call and what the process is that they have to go through over there...that what I am thinking about....

[Dora]

Your mind must be processing a lot right now. I know mine would be. Replaying it all over and over making sure you did the right thing and finding comfort in seeing in your mind that she responded to you in a positive way. Or maybe not.

You did the right thing. I'm glad you were with a counselor when you did because it seemed to calm you by being able to talk about it.

If it brings you any comfort to know my very first counseling session I cried the entire time. He sat there while I cried. Then he said time was up and he didn't know how to help me and I left. I'm certain many people respond differently about counseling.

[geselle]

I reported what i saw my sister do to her son.. Social service went to her house..

She Know it was me that called, I feel terrible, she curse and use swear words at me...
But then I chicken out of saying the true, I said I did not make the call, and I did..

She thinks my mom called because she asked me who I told about what happen and I said my mom. She just jumpted to the conclusion that my mom called. but I was the one that did..

I tried to tell her my mom did not called.. I don't know what to do..

I wish I had shout my mouth and did not say anything.. that would have been better, I would not be in this possition right now......

A men what did I get myself into.. My sister hates me and that's one of the reason I did not want to report it.
but what am I suppose to do now...
what do I do now???
WHy did I do that why why why?!

[Dora]

When standing up for what is good and right we will at times be hated and even by our own "family."

I say "family" because I found this earthly family is only our for a very short time, our christian family is ours for eternity.

Which would be the real family? The one you have for the short time on earth or the one you have for eternity?

You did what was right.

[dema]

Honey, you didn't do it for yourself. You hated the thought of doing it. And you didn't do it for your sister - though you hope that she will learn from the experience. You did it so that a little boy wouldn't be scarred for life. Keep that thought in mind.

And you did it because a little voice inside of you wouldn't let up on you.

You did what was right.

[geselle]

I don;t feel like I did the right thing any more.
I feel like I lost a very close sister, the only sister I was really close to and I will never see my neice or nephew again... She said that to me..

[Dora]

When I brought out to the light what happened in my family all my family turned against me. For a year there wasn't any communication. Then they started coming around and talking about their own experiences. We are closer now than we ever were and many of us are healing. It's been 3 years. A lot of time and a lot of hurt but it was worth it.

I pray you have the same success with your family. That one day you'll all be closer and healed. May she see it's her errors that caused the division and not yours.

Anyone who stands up to save a child from mistreatment will be rewarded. God sees that you saved one of his little ones. I hope you find comfort in knowing you pleased the Lord by reporting this wrong that was being done.