Geselle's first journal on the road to Healing

[geselle]

Hi

I wanted to post this for a while now but I didn't and now i think its time...

Now I know What these people Feel

There are somethings in life that we just don't understand why things happen and why people just don't get out of the issues, but you never know why until you, yourself has been in that position and feel how it feels to be there at that moment..

I use to wonder why when something like domestic violence happens in families. Why the wife keep staying with her abusive husband. I use to wonder, if he hit her and beat up his wife and children. Then why don't the wife leave, just get up and leave, get out of there, get out of that releationship. Leave that abisive husband whether it be physically or verbally just get out, but they never do. Even when they end up in the hospital, and when asked what happened they cover up and protect their Husband, they make up stories like I fell in the kitchen, I hit my head on the wall, I fell down the steps. They make up stories just to keep that person in their life.. Now I dont wonder anymore. Now I Understand! and Now I Know why. You see God place people in specific position for a reason and at the time you dont know why but you pray about it and then you might get the answer or you might hear wait or you might here nothing. I was place in a position that I never thought would ever happen in my life, because I am not around those things. I see them one television but for them to happen so close to home, I never thought about it.. My aunt has lived in this abusive releationship for years, many many years, she does not talk about it but my family does. I never knew about it until recently (last month) When we got a phone call that said my uncle stabbed both His wife and his daughter( my cousin) and they were on the way to the ER. I was terrified and surprise at the same time, with the thought of disbelief, that could never happen, and it can not be true... I did not know what to believe. My Uncle is very quite stay to himself, does not do anything for himself and his wife does everything for him, that how i saw it before this incident. To me she was just being a loyal wife serving her husband dinner and just being there for me (Not so). I found out she could not do anything without him being there. (controling yes). make a long story short. when my cousin was a little girl my uncle try to cut her with a knife and he tried to cut his son as well. My cousin was taken from her parents by my other aunt and she stayed with her until she was old enought to be on her own..After years, my cousin decided to help her mom and dad out so they moved in with her,that when the incident happen. During that time I found out my aunt does not have any teeth why because her Hssband hit the all out, no one called the police. When he stab both my aunt and cousin the neighbor call the police. He was now going to go to jail..

He did and he is still there. I say this to say, you never know why people stay in domestic violent releationship. For me it was a lesson that Love is very strong. It is something that affects a person expectally when a woman or man gives there whole heart away to this one person, that show them how much they mean to them, how much they care and will do anything to keep them and when i say anything, I mean anything, but at first that not the picture they paint. A perfect quite man/ woman, loving and caring and after a year maybe more they change into what they really are. They become controlling and over power you making you feel as if you cannot live with out them. like you life is nothing with out them. (that's where my aunt is right now, thinking about her husband, wanting him home) She will not press charges aganist him. How can she this is the man she spent years of her life with; to live without me now is the end of the world for her.. But IT NOT, It is not the end of the world, and It's not her fault he flipped and it not your fault that husband hurt you or that wife. They have issues but don't know how to handle pressures and if he/she has not change the you can not change them, there is a saying that goes like this (You can not teach Old dog new tricks) they will go back to there old ways, even if it seem like they have got it and they have cahnge....Only with God's help and only God can change them and make them New. When a person live with violence for 2 or 20 years it becomes normal, it is a way of life for you even when that person hurt you and they really do hurt you, you try your best to hide the hurt and pretend it's not there. But IT IS. I was sitting in my room and asking God why will she not press charges and I head quitly because she loves him. Even thou he did all those bad things she still LOVE him.. then he said Just Like how I love YOU but MY love never changes, and i know what best for you and if i have to move a person out of your life for you to see me then I WILL. love is strong but God's Love and will for our life is even greater.. My aunt now is free, free from the bondage she was in, but she is still in bondage in her mind. She does not know what to do with the freedom she was given. It's like starting over a new life, a life without pain and hurt and we dont know what to do with it. We still have the same dreams, the same hurts, the same nightmares, and the same fears. We should Know that we can live free, we can walk in the way God wants us to walk and live a life that is pleasing unto him. I dont know why God placed me in this position or who i should help with these issues maybe someone later in the future in my life, But the Lord just gave me an understanding of why some people got through and live in these situation and i should write it down. I understand now that it is hard to put someone away when you have given them your heart and it is also hard to stand up on your own when you have gone through so much hurt and pain. but you can, Yes you can, and you will BY the grace of God.

now I know and know I understand...

Thanks for listening...

[dema]

Yes. There is the fear that nobody else will ever love them. Women who are abused generally feel like they are nothing. That the only reason they are anything at all is because of their man. And the man keeps telling them that to keep them as a victim.

There is a thing where after a while, a person gets to adapting to their situation to the point where they feel they have done something wrong if they don't maintain the abusiveness. They expect it - and feel like they have earned the punishment and they feel so wrong when they don't have it anymore.

And frequently they don't feel like they can handle life. Maybe they haven't earned a living in years and years and don't think that they can. Or maybe there are other things they fear. These women frequently live in constand fear and constantly beating up on themselves.

I hope your Aunt embraces Jesus and starts learning about who she is in Him.

[Dora]

Thank you for sharing that Geselle. Leaving can be more scary than staying. Where will they go? Imagine leaving your home with only a suitcase or less. Imagine the fear on your kids faces day and night. The questions you'll have to answer. How will you feed them, house them, clothe them, wash them. What if the place you land at is cruel and even abusive too. At least the abuse is by the same man and not another or not a different type of abuse. For a person to escape abuse takes a lot of courage. A lot! Your aunts path won't be easy by any means. But at least now the authorities will be involved. Pray she doesn't fall victim to another.

Geselle love you sis.

[geselle]

Why is it that when you try to get away from something, It seem like that same thing follow you where ever you go.That unconfortable feeling, and if you tell the person you don't feel confortable they will curse you out. I feel as thou I can not get away from this issue, I feel like no matter where I go it will always be there.It makes me sad to feel the way I do. It make me sick to have to close my eyes when I walk into a room, because I do not know what I might see, things that I should not be seen. Why does the Lord put me in these weird positions and then I have no way of getting out.. It is sad to see a child very sad and unable to do the things little kids should be doing. It is sad to see I mom alway no matter what send her child to there room just because she don't want them around for that moment. I is sad because I can not say anything without been yelled at for speaking or for saying the wrong thing and even when I don't speak that causes a problem.. I think all the time that there must be something wrong with me.. Because I am alway put in weird positions and this one is just likeissues i see at home. I needed a vaction from, only to walk right back into the same situation but different. people...

question for anyone who would like to answer

What do you do when you have told a child about safe touches and that not even mom should do certain things unless giving them a shower, but the mom take it for a joke?? what do you do???

Thank you for listening

what do you do when the mom touches the child inappro and the child said don't do that mom because it is not nice and i don't like it?? but the mom said you are my child and I can touch you any time because i also have to you a shower...

I mean how do you correct that what do you say to that child or that mom when you already told the parent it is wrong and it was wrong.

My life seems to be all around this type of things everytime i deal with one issue like this another one comes and as soon as i deal with that one take a vaction my vaction end up being something like what i left at home. kids being miss treated.. I don't know why I am always the one to see these things..
Getting really tired of it and want to just vanish away...

[Dora]

Please explain a little more what you mean here......

what do you do when the mom touches the child inappro and the child said don't do that mom because it is not nice and i don't like it?? but the mom said you are my child and I can touch you any time because i also have to you a shower...

I mean how do you correct that what do you say to that child or that mom when you already told the parent it is wrong and it was wrong.

[geselle]

I will give you an example, to wake the child up from sleep the mom tickle the child all over his body including his genitail and the child tell her to stop and she stop tickling him but keeps touching his genitail area.. When he is sitting on the coach she does the same thing walk pass him and touch, grab him there.

I spoke to the child about good touch and bad touch and the mom told him that she can touch him anytime she wants because she has to give him a shower anyway. She used it as a joke and playing around thing...

I told her it was wrong and she is not suppose to do that and that she should stop.She didn't listen..But what else can I do if she does not stop?? or maybe I am over reacting to something that is nothing...

[Dora]

I can tell you what I wish someone would of done for me and that is to go to the police and to continue until I was removed from being touched and hurt. People knew but they thought a foster home would be worse. There is nothing that could of been worse.

If I were you I would call the police and I would call today. Please call them.

Touching a child like this is not appropriate behavior for any reason.

[geselle]

OK thank you

[Mackenaw]

Hello Geselle,

God bless you this day.

Geselle, first of all, I want you to know that you have not done anything wrong. This world has gotten to ugly and foul, and so many people do not listen to the voice in their conscience -- God's voice -- the voice that says "do not do that". After a while they no longer hear that voice, because the voice of the enemy of our souls, Satan, becomes louder and louder. Perhaps the abuser was taught those very things at the hand of another adult, when they were a child, and even though they knew deep down inside that what the adult was doing was wrong, they felt helpless, and the evil ways just continue to be handed down, one generation after another.

Geselle, I'm sorry you have had to witnesses such horrible things, but I am so happy that you hear The Lord's voice, and you know that what is being done to that child is wrong. You spoke to the mother but she didn't listen, but instead chose to laugh about it, and then went about doing the evil act with much more conviction. That is how the enemy of our soul, Satan, works, through others that have stopped listening to God's voice, their moral conscience inside them.

Child Protective Services will investigate situations such as this, when complaints are filed. You can either call the Police and they will contact them, or you can call Child Protective Services directly. If you know of another adult, whom you can trust, and you feel has a heart for God, perhaps you can ask them to make the call or stay with you while you make the call.

Geselle, The Lord loves you so very much. He loves that child and his mother, too. But, the mother is in great danger of God's wrath, if she doesn't stop doing what she is doing to that child.

We are here for you, Geselle, and I am proud that you have spoken out. God is proud of you too.

I'm lifting up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus, for you, for the child and for the mother. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Geselle.
Love,
Mack

[geselle]

I am terrified and afraid and allowing my fear of doing the right thing get the best of me.. I know I should because it is the right thing to do, but I get get so afraid and don't know what to say.. Why am I so afraid to do what i know is right. I think about it everyday... to say it..

[geselle]

How could some one like you, Love someone like me full of mistakes and full of pain
When you look in my heart tell me what do you see
that makes you love me soooo
Is it the sword that prease through your side
or the moment you dropped your head and you died
For a sinnser like me
You gave up your life
Its time to let you know
Lord I surrounder, I give you all I have
It's not much but I hear you calling
So here I am standing in your Grace...

[Dora]

I am terrified and afraid and allowing my fear of doing the right thing get the best of me.. I know I should because it is the right thing to do, but I get get so afraid and don't know what to say.. Why am I so afraid to do what i know is right. I think about it everyday... to say it..

It is always scary to stand up so to stop abuse. Being brave isn't not feeling afraid but doing what is right despite the fear.

There is a spiritual battle that surrounds us. One side wants abuse to keep hidden so it can continue. The other side is calling for you to help stop it by telling.

In the end you won't regret telling someone but if you choose to allow your fear to rule over you and not tell anyone, you will one day possibly regret that choice.

Praying for you.